finding myself in You

2007-08-18T16:48:00.001+08:00

i'm getting kinda bored of this look. heh

my new site: http://sunshadess.blogspot.com

i'll be posting stuff there so add that one! =)

2007-08-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

by the order of queen sammichengalowski, i am updating my stale blog. haha and my nose is leaking like a tap as i type this entry.

UNI IS STARTING TOMORROWWW for real! hahahaha O week (Orientation week) turned out way below my expectations, i think all the OGLing in JC has zapped up my enthusiasm and energy leaving me with nothing but my ole bag of bones. so anyways, i skipped most of O week and i am so thankful that school is finally starting. it seems like i'm more excited about going to lectures and tutorials than having fun. ODD!

i wonder how my beautiful is doing in melbourne. the airport is going to be one of my most frequent venues this month and the next. sigh

wow. i just realised that i have nothing else to say for now. little miss chatterbox is lost for words. ironic.

2007-07-28T01:01:00.000+08:00

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

why don't people realise what's precious to them until they lose it? beats me.

2007-07-23T12:37:00.000+08:00

All I Ask of You - Phantom of the Opera

RAOUL
No more talk
of darkness,
Forget these
wide-eyed fears.
I'm here,
nothing can harm you -
my words will
warm and calm you.

Let me be
your freedom,
let daylight
dry -your tears.
I'm here,
with you, beside you,
to guard you
and to guide you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me
every
waking moment,
turn my head
with talk of summertime . . .

Say you need me
with you,
now and always . . .
promise me that all
you say is true -
that's all I ask
of you . . .

RAOUL
Let me be
your shelter,
let me
be your light.
You're safe:
No-one will find you
your fears are
far behind you . . .

CHRISTINE
All I want
is freedom,
a world with
no more night . . .
and you
always beside me
to hold me
and to hide me . . .

RAOUL
Then say you'll share with
me one
love, one lifetime . . .
Iet me lead you
from your solitude . . .

Say you need me
with you
here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go,
let me go too -
Christine,
that's all I ask
of you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with
me one
love, one lifetime . . .
say the word
and I will follow you . . .

BOTH
Share each day with
me, each
night, each morning . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me . . .

RAOUL
You know I do . . .

BOTH
Love me -
that's all I ask
of you . . .

(They kiss)

Anywhere you go
let me go too . . .
Love me -
that's all I ask
of you . .

This has got to be my favourite of all favourite songs in The Phantom of the Opera.. Wheeee.. So very very very sweettt. =))))

2007-07-17T16:07:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i updated and my blog is pretty.. dead. haha.

anyways, life has been going along fine. other than the fact that i am still bumming at home and emjoying the benefits of being unemployed.

reading hon's entry on Nat's Bye bye Part I,II & III (okay, sorry hons i haven't read your blog in a while. i mean, neither have you updated it. hahaha.) made me realise that very soon singapore will be very very empty, and perhaps my heart will be too.

recall the time when you were asked by your mom to throw out your favourite dirty pillow or grubby shirt or tattered toy.. the tug-of-war with your mother would have lasted quite a while before you sit in the corner and sulk till the cows come home when your mother finally snatches the thing and hurls it into the rubbish chute. not the perfect analogy but well familiarity is something that no one is willing to part with without struggle. even now i find it strange to think that when we (E, Bea and Hons) meet we won't be seeing Nat. its just weird.

other than that, i'm waiting for uni to start. perhaps then i will be able to numb myself from my missing of the other 3 and the workload will just overwhelm me with stress. hmmmm... perhaps i am overly dependent on them. there's this sick feeling in my stomach whenever i think abt them leaving.

i'm looking forward to the 27th. its been quite a while..

2007-07-07T18:41:00.001+08:00

sometimes i wish really hard that i can change things that have happened in my life.. and i know that if i were to go back in time, things would definitely not turn out this way.

will these fade away
as time passes and wounds heal
sometimes i'm too afraid to hope that tomorrow will be a better day
to think that i have to face the consequences of my choices scares me

2007-06-28T01:50:00.000+08:00

this is the life. :DDD

i'm so loving every moment of it.

2007-06-21T10:29:00.000+08:00

don't know why i've been feeling very strange.. i feel like ripping myself apart. maybe it'll be less frustrating that way. grrrr..

2007-06-20T16:56:00.000+08:00

at long last, esther has quit her job!! *trumpets sound and angels herald*

its been quite a while since i last updated, my blog is pretty dead. hahaha. too much has happened for me to squeeze in one little entry. lalalala check out my facebook, i think the photos will give you a better idea. :P

I went for my first sleepover! At my dearest Elaine Heng Xin Ling's house last Friday. hahahaha! Not bad huh E, i gave my first to you. :)) i only brought one set of clothes (yes, toothbrushless and all..) so i slept on the couch that night with the aircon blasting at full strength and was freezing my little butt off. It was pretty interesting tho, the 3 of us (E, me and Hons) slept in front of the TV, another first for me. So we were watching TV till nearly 1am and then talked and laughed and were being silly. Then at 2am, the 3 of us were starving so i went to munch cup-noodles and the 2 other clowns went to eat biscuits and what not. hahaha. E kept consoling herself that she had ballet the next day so she'd burn everything she ate at 2am right off. hahahaha..

pretty sad that in less than 2 weeks, people will start leaving our sunny little island one by one to study. Nat in Hey!Matey-land, Hons in Brownie and E probably going to Canada. Left me and Bea, who will be in friggin Tuas. :((( don't know when the 5 of us will ever meet again. sigh..

on a happier note, congrats to all the boys that just POP lo! hahahaha.. went to Chek's house on Saturday to celebrate their liberation and welcome them back to civilisation. Bet the air smells tons fresher out here. hahahaha. its been quite a while since i've seen everyone anyways.. but not everyone was at Chek's tho. Xizhen, aka Yoggi bear who did a vanishing act once again; Gerrarder who wasn't there and i haven't seen since.. Christmas?! ahahaha; Miche who was supposed to come have birthday lunch with me and it never actualised; Cheryl Chua who is now a workaholic; Debbie whom i haven't seen since i don't even remember when;... so anyways, you get the drift.

other than that, i'm going to embrace freedom next week so i'll be able to sleep in again and embrace tai tai life until school starts. hee. :))

oh wells, i'm addicted to facebook these days. much easier uploading photos there. hee

peace on earth!

*goodness i realised that i haven't written for so long that i'm grammatically incoherent. argh! sucks.*

2007-06-06T16:19:00.000+08:00

Over It, Katherine Mcphee

I'm over your lies
And I'm over your games
I'm over you asking me
When you know
I'm not okay
You call me and I...
And I pick up the phone
And though you've been telling me, I know you're not alone.

Oh and that's why

Your eyes... I'm over it.
You're smile... I'm over it.
Realized... I'm over it, I'm over it, I'm over...

Wanting you to be wanting me
No, that ain't no way to be
How I feel
Read my lips
Because I'm so over... (I'm sorry)

Moving on
It is my time
You never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first a little bit
But now I'm so over
I'm so over it...

I'm over your hands
And I'm over your mouth
Trying to drag me down
And fill me with self doubt

Ohhhhh, and that's why
Your world, I'm over it
So sure, I'm over it
I'm not your girl, I'm over it
I'm over it, I'm over

Don't call
Don't come by
Aint no use don't ask me why
You'll never change
There'll be no more cryin' in the rain

2007-06-05T00:01:00.003+08:00

i have a feeling June 2007 is going to be an eventful one. :)))) the anticipation is killing me.. buahahaa.

other than coming back fatigued from our smashing F5 Hongkongland Tour 2007 and then going for cell beach soccer and rugby the very next day of my arrival in our sunny singapore, i have unfortunately returned to my mundane schedule of work work work and more work. nothing beats sitting in the office, staring at your computer screen and waiting for your butt to get fat. these days my motiation to workout at Planet Fitness has offically fizzed off into nothingness and i'm ballooning exponentially. hahahaha. okay that's not exactly true cos i haven't had much appetite since i came back from hongkongland.. maybe cos the food there is so amazingly nice!! :PP yew char kuay and porridge and harm jin pang and tim sum and wan ton noodles and mango dessert. MMmmmmm... i'm having midnight cravings again. heh.

there's this part of me that always seems to doubt, even when i'm 99.999999% sure of something, i can't help but feel that itty bit of doubt that creeps in so subtly and then envelops my confidence. insecurity and fear grips me, then all hell breaks lose and i cave in emotionally into depression. i find that the older i get the more i insecure i am. perhaps its also cos the older you get the more freedom you have and hence the more choices you have to make and wanting to make those 'right' choices causes you to become more afraid to take risks and get hurt. sigh.. sad case.

i hope the courage that i saw in you and inspired me never fades away..

2007-06-01T12:58:00.001+08:00

i'd like to...

i'd love to...

i really want to...

2007-05-24T14:42:00.000+08:00

the past week has been a struggle, but alas... the thunderstorm has blown over. i see sunshine and rainbows and kittens now.

you're my wonderwall

2007-05-23T10:10:00.000+08:00

depressed.

2007-05-22T09:37:00.000+08:00

thinking thinking thinking..

i've been wondering what has happened to myself over the past few weeks. as tho all the dark clouds in the world have decided to plonk their grey fat arses over me and block off all the sunshine in my life; maybe its spiritual drought in my life at the moment; maybe its hormonal changes; maybe its stress at work; maybe cos i haven't packed for HK and its in 4 days time; maybe its cos i'm at the crossroads of my life now; maybe cos i'm only 19 and not ready to make so many choices; maybe cos i've been feeling strangely unsettled; maybe cos i'm not even acting like me anymore; maybe cos i'm so tired every day that everyone in office says my colour is getting paler by the day; maybe cos my head is really spinning now; maybe cos i think i'm pretty depressed; maybe...

i really want to just run away and hide in a little corner. there's this gloomy monster eating my insides. i feel like pouting the whole day and throw a friggin tantrum. i am becoming this mood swingy emo shit. RAWRRRRRR.. but escapism isn't exactly going to solve anything.

i just need a shoulder to lean on now.

all that i am is in you
all that i see is to follow you
i run to your side when you call
there is the hope i am longing for

just to be by your side
there is hope in my life
there is no greater freedom i'll find

so take my life
and all that i have to give
take my world just inhabit all of it
take my dreams make me assuredly yours

2007-05-20T21:56:00.000+08:00

grubby

that's how i've been feeling the past week. maybe cause i haven't hit the gym in like a week too. hahaha.

my internet connection at home has been totally screwed up over the weekend. thankfully the repair guys came today after my sister kicked up a big hooha at home and my rants were kinda tired of hearing her whine and whine abt not being able to use the com. its pretty scary how we are getting increasingly dependent on technological equipments like the com and handphones and pdas. i mean think abt it, you probably feel like you've lost an arm when you lose your handphone cos people these days no longer bother to remember handphone numbers in their phones. the ease of losing and retrieving data is even scarier. somehow i feel that the further we progress in this technologically 'advanced' era, the more handicapped we get.

another thing i've realised that my nose has more blood these few days?! hahaha. like i've been sneezing out more bloody stuff.. maybe i've been having way too much heaty food for my own good. not too sure.. or maybe its just the crazy weather that's driving my body haywire. :SSS

its less than 7 days to my trip and i haven't packed!! achievement!! hahahaha... honyi will vividly recall the time when we went to Japan in sec 3 and i packed like a month before the trip. hahahahaha psychotic. can't help it larrr, i was young and damnnnn excited. not saying that i'm not excited for this trip, just that now i think i'm better at controlling the excitement and more zai in that sense. heh, or maybe not. might end up forgetting to bring everything and then have to borrow from ppl. i can't wait to room together with honyi!! not that we haven't already done that before but hahahahaha. i think the few of us roomed together several times already: OBS (when E, Bea and Hon had to put up with me. hhahaha), Japan tour (when we woke up late on several occasions), plus all those other camps in sec 3 and 4, not to mention going to honyi's house and sprawling on her queen sized bed and playing Sims 2. hahahahahaha. my sister is also gonna be leaving next week so she's like packing to go too. and i tripped over the friggin luggage last night in the dark while trying to get back to the room cos it was lying in the middle of the living room?!!? i practically flew (and i'm not joking) over the thing and nearly twisted my big toe. klutz indeed. but oh wells, WOOOO!!! HONG KONG!!! but going to the airport at 4 am is quite a kill-joy in itself. we'll probably be like half awake while walking to our wonderful Jetstar plane. first time taking budget air.. its really going to be an experience! :)))

oh wells i think my blog will be left un-updated till i return. so till then, don't miss me too much!! :PPPP

WORLD PEACEEEEE!

2007-05-09T10:09:00.000+08:00

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone, Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

meltinggggg..
i really love the music and lyrics of this song. :))

2007-05-09T08:36:00.000+08:00

compromising on the integrity of what you believe in is by far the most spine-chilling decision that could ever be made.

i like being the different person that i am and it really doesn't matter to me if i'm not the same. i can't allow myself to continue this way cos that's not what i want and not who i am.

so many things i hold so precious and dear; tangible and intangible. yet i know that i am veering surely towards the dark side where these once important things suddenly don't seem to matter anymore.

if love is being able to go the distance.. then will you go the distance to be different from the rest of this debauched world rather than go down the slippery slope of regret.

grow old along with me in Him.

Cos i'm healed when Your mercy covers me
When Your light has made me holy
And i am Yours forevermore
And I'll stand where Your majesty abounds
Where i'm safe on solid ground with You
With You
Take me so much deeper with You, my Lord
I am longing for You
Draw me so much closer to You my Lord
I am longing for You, I am longing for You

2007-05-04T13:12:00.000+08:00

my life really unfolds in a most baffling and amusing manner..

and i'm loving each moment of it. :))

2007-05-03T13:23:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i updated this thing. apologies to my avid readers who constantly make their presence felt through the tag board, keeping my blog somewhat alive. hahaha.

the month of april has been an eventful one, especially the last week with all the end april babies: fish, brendan, myself and darren. managed to catch up with most people before everyone leaves the sunny island of singapore for holiday or studies. quite depressing how close friends leave one by one. soon our BBB (Barry's Biblical Babes) cell group, and barry's not even going to be here for long either, will only have those few of us still stuck in singapore. rawrrr.. but oh wells, i guess its good for us to be seperated for a while to study and meet new people, open our eyes to the rest of the world and all that. until we meet again AHSCones... :)) whooo the medicine is making me melancholic. heh

on a lighter note, the op for my wisdom teeth and upper lip thingy wasn't so bad. tho today i strangely can't talk as much as i could compared to yesterday after the op. been eating very mushed up food like porridge and soup and mashed fruits. received loads of tlc from my parents and everyone around. OOoo i feel so loved, other than a certain loan shark who keeps haunting me for the $636 even tho i was warded in hospital and PAID UP ALREADY. hahahaha. i love you hons. :P

i really can't wait till the 27th of this month, 24 more days to go! HONG KONG HERE WE COME!! so exciting actually i can't believe my parents let me go, well they couldn't really refuse cos the 5 of us clowns kinda were already confirming tickets and making payment prior to seeking any parental consent. hahaha. but still they could have made a big hooha abt it and banish me to my room for all eternity! gasp but they didn't. wow. truely pleasant surprise. can't wait to be taking tons of silly pictures and walking down the streets of kowloon with those 4 other lovely human beings i grew up with. i'm really looking forward to the trip!!

uni apps results are back and i'm now stuck in the dilemna of where to go. rawrrrr... need to pray abt this. God be my guide please.

yeapps. till next time, WORLD PEACE! :))

2007-04-22T22:10:00.000+08:00

i'm so dreading the 30th of april. NOOOOoooooo. :((( good bye wisdom teeth.

i'm scared! shaking like a leaf!!

2007-04-10T18:00:00.000+08:00

STRESSSSSS..

i love my sugar roll and the simply gorgeous MANGO top you got me. :))))

2007-04-09T13:35:00.000+08:00

at work now.

amanda said i'm very dazed today, and i'm just so lousy that i even hide my feelings. rawrr..

insecurity creeping in bit by bit. not sure what to do or where to go from here. there's this strange emptiness within me..

someone give me directions please?? =((

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

2007-04-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

sometimes thinking too much abt something can really drive you nuttttss.. *poke the bruise on your armmmm* hahaha. i love you leneeeee. hugs and squeezes. =))

2007-03-31T10:59:00.000+08:00

Finally uni apps are settled!!

I've been having countless nights of insomnia due to the thought of missing the dead line lingering relentlessly at the back of my head. as you all know, i'm quite a worry-wart.. so sue me if you want. anyways, ITS DONE. other than the fact that my 'other supporting documents' have not been submitted yet and i haven't paid the application fees, which technically means the application isn't complete. rawrrr. i got a threat mail from NUS a few days ago, warning me that if i didn't pay the $10 for application by 1st april, my application is considered void.. =.=" give me a break.

i haven't been updating my blog for a while cos of work and so many other things that have been happening. partly also due to the fact that i have to face the computer 24/7 at work and by the time i get home, i'm pretty sick of having to switch on the laptop again. haha.

i really can't wait to get back to school again.

and OMG, my bestest best best friend HON JING YI GOT INTO BROWN!!!! *fainted* i was so happy for her i started announcing it out loud at like 9 am to everyone in my department. haha. i am so proud of you hons.. SO PROUD. gawsh!! brown eh, beat that mannn. opportunity of a life time. AMERICA!! WHOARRR.. i'd gladly give you the 350K if i had the money.

rightios, time for japanese lesson. better not be late again today. =S

i'm super excited for mondayyyyy.. lalalala.

to world peace! =))

2007-03-24T13:04:00.000+08:00

ARGHHHH... sorry. don't be emo. :((

sorry. its my fault.

2007-03-20T12:05:00.000+08:00

Way Back to Loveeeee

i've been living with a shadow overhead
i've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
i've been lonely for so long
trapped in the past, i just can't seem to move on

i've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just in case i ever need them again someday
i've been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

i've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
i've been searching but I just don't see the signs
i know that it's out there
there's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

i've been looking for someone to shed some light
not somebody just to get me through the night
i could use some direction
and i'm open to your suggestions

there are moments when i don't know if it's real
or if anybody feels the way i feel
i need inspiration
not just another negotiation

all I wanna do is find a way back into love
i can't make it through without a way back into love
and if i open my heart again
i guess i'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

i love this songgggg...
POP goes my heart. :P

2007-03-19T15:20:00.000+08:00

Insomniac

I can see you
Don't even know you
Fallin' into the sheets at night
Place my hands flat on my chest
I feel the heartbeat back the night
I've tried counting the sheep
And I talk to the shepard
And played with my pillow forever, ever
I sit alone and I watch the clock
I breathe in on the tick
And out on the tock

I can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor
I don't have to have these dreams no more
And I found someone just to hold me tight
Hold the insomniac all night
I dig my head down deep
So I can't hear the cars
Outside on the street
And the stars are laughin'
They get a kick out of my misery
I've tried everything short of Aristotle
Took Dramamine and whiskey bottle
Pray for the day when my ship comes in
And I can sleep the sleep of the just again

Won't you hold me and keep on holding me

Won't you wait for me..
Let me believe that time is no barrier..
Give me the faith not to fear..
Because you are that dream that i've been dreaming about all along.
___ June.. Counting down till then.

2007-03-17T21:30:00.000+08:00

Retail Therapy!!

what's more relaxing than waking up at 1pm on a lazy saturday afternoon, snuggling in bed for another half an hour before rubbing your sleepy eyes and taking a slow stroll to the bathroom. mmm mmm. :)

so sweeeetttt.

2007-03-13T15:29:00.000+08:00

sometimes fear just grips you and refuses to let go simply cos you don't know what the future has to hold. the sick feeling of not being eligible for the course i have always dreamed of studying is sucking me into this bottomless black hole. my goal, my passion, my ambition, my future, my hopes, my dreams.. GONE. but i'm not going to give up on it. sometimes i feel as though my insides are eating me up, devouring the very last cell in my body. i sound depressed. maybe i am.

while the rest of the world (or most of my friends, at least) are celebrating their victories, i can only hide in the corner at my own loss. i don't know when i can ever peek my head out of that corner again to step into the light. the shadows seem like a safer place. i know that my teachers are very disappointed in me, my form teacher for one: i can so see her looking at me with those sympathetic eyes and tell me that i have so much potential, but i blew it. to the world, i have failed.

there's no one to point fingers at. many of my friends have said that God will open and close the right doors. yet, i know deep inside that i have closed those doors on myself. if only i could cry. you know that you've reached the epitomy of grief when your tear glands can't even excruciate anything no matter how sad you are. everything is on the inside. the crumbling inner world.

only You can hold my world up.

2007-03-13T09:59:00.000+08:00

looks like everyone's moving on.
i'm glad that it was you who let me go first

that's a good thing. =)

i've been stuck here for way too long.

2007-03-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

give me direction..

i don't regret but i have to face it. for the benefit of everyone, this has to end.

2007-02-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

i love this picture and quote.. =)

*credits to deb yap*

2007-02-25T20:57:00.000+08:00

RETAIL THERAPY ROCKS

i think my daddy's credit cards are busted now. the 3 women in the house decided that it was indulge-in-ourselves day so we dragged my poor daddy around taka. my sis wanted to get a new swim suit and i wanted to get a bikini and my momsy was just going mad helping us find stuff to try. my dad maintained his cool pose in an inconspicuous corner of the department with his handphone plastered to his ear. haha. then we went totally delirious when we got to zara. the 3 of us were practically unstoppable. my daddy didn't even bother trying to talk us out of shopping. so sweet rights? hahaha. he's awesome. anyways, bought shoes and tops at zara and then we came home. personally, i would blame it on the pre-A level results moppy mood. not sure about my momsy and sis tho.

i read hon's blog and she was whining till no end about the upcoming results. at this point, i'm pretty numb. i'm past worried. but strangely enough, i haven't had nightmares at all about results, which in itself is quite a nightmare (i mean, what's wrong with me?? why can't i have A level results nightmares?!??). but anyways, thinking about it just makes me exhausted. the rush of those emotions in my head and heart have become almost a reflex action when the thought of the results drift into my head. but i can only commit everything to Him to take care of it. nothing else i can do and no one else i can turn to. only my cornerstone.

i watched Dreamgirls with the boys today (yes, i was pimping. :S). i wouldn't say that the plot of storyline is great (actually, there was not much of a plot or storyline anyways), but the SINGING was MIND BLOWING. so if you love good music, this is THE SHOW to watch.

i've recently been hooked on mahjong. yes, the game that is most associated to ah-mas and aunties. i learnt it at jiaos house (it was me, jiao, ben and ty. can you imagine me playing mahjong with 3 other boys who are equally as addicted as i am?!?! haha) last friday and i'm just itching to play again. not that we were gambling or anything, but frankly it is a pretty stimulating game. no wonder they say that the elderly who play mahjong tend not to go senile as quickly as those who don't.

on another note, tomorrow is going to be my first day at work!! i'm pretty excited man. me and ty made this pact to like call each other instead when we are like dying of boredom in the office since both of us are tele-something people (he's doing tele-surveying and i'm doing tele-marketing). how fun! =)

to infinity and beyond!!

2007-02-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

once again, this entry is dedicated to my 2 lovely parents, who got their useless daughter out of her own deep s*** (for the lack of a better phrase to describe my idiocracy).

i went for 2 walk-in interviews today for waitressing. no you didn't see wrongly, it says w-a-i-t-r-e-s-s-i-n-g. i can't believe what possessed me to do that. anyways, naive as i was, i went to these 2 restaurants ernestly wanting to learn how to clear tables and balance trays. the managers, however, had a different opinion of me. well, the first one eyed me very apprehensively and somewhat sheepishly, almost as if i was not even qualified enough to be a waitress, and then told me rather sympathetically that he'd give me a call if he needed my help at the restaurant. who knows, he might have thrown my application into the stove the second after i stepped out of the restaurant, but i didn't really care cos i realised only when i applied that the working hours in a restaurant are simply INHUMANE. i probably will have no social life, friends, family, church, etc etc should i become waitress esther. hence i was thrilled to scoot off as soon as i could.

but as i said, i was pretty naive today, thinking that the second resaturant would be different. the second manager was kinder (less obvious that she didn't think i could do the job). perhaps cos we were of the same gender, but she almost laughed when she read out my work experience and school record. she asked if i knew how to wash plates and if i was all right with getting my hands dirty cos i looked like the da xiao jie type. roarrrr... i seriously didn't know that there was a physical appearence criteria to waitressing. *rolls eyes* but anyways, the second manager gave me the job, (and here comes the bit where my parents are involved) but after i stepped out of the office, i decided that i didn't want to do it cos the working hours and days were the same as the previous restaurant. (seriously, don't ask me why i even applied to work there after i realised the working days and hours are just as terrible. my soul must have left my body or something.) hence, i had to get my dad to call up the restaurant to quit the job for me using his parental authority or whatever-you-call-it. thank you ten million and one daddy.

but just as i thought all hope was lost, i got a call from a company who gave me a job as a telemarketer. now that's not such a bad job. after all, i get the weekends free, i work sane hours, the pay is reasonable and i get to work in the CBD again!! (working in the CBD is seriously a pleasant experience. it just adds to the working atmosphere. haha.) though on the other hand, everyone hates telemarketers cos they are plain annoying people. =/

rightios, time for bed. its gonna be a really long day tomorrow.. but i'm excited!

2007-02-21T00:17:00.000+08:00

i will wake tomorrow morning to realise that nothing awaits me for the rest of the day. the thought of such idleness irks me to the bone. seriously, i cannot deal with boredom. perhaps after the 1st hour i gain consciousness i will go completely bananas. but what to do? such is unemployment. but i know Daddy God will open those new doors for me soon..

i realised that my writing skills have deteriorated drastically since the As ended. not a good sign at all. currently i have the vocabulary bank of a 5 year old. time to blow the dust off my books and regain some intellect before uni term starts and my rusted brain is still corroding. not going to be easy though..

i finally understand what a privilege it is to be a student. being a working adult with all that responsibility, accountability and whatever nonsense tied to it, totally sucks. i miss the days when i can just wake up and declare holiday; or the periods after lunch when all my red blood cells have migrated from my head to my stomach and i hibernate while the teacher is talking; or the writing notes in class and passing food under the desk.. i hate being an adult.. SOBBB. seriously, miss ang has to pluck herself out of bed every morning because she HAS a job to do and she is a grown woman who should know better than ponning school for no rhyme or reason; miss ang (obviously) can't sleep in class cos she's the one who's TEACHING and so even her yawns have to be stifled; miss ang cannot write notes or pass food under the table cos there's no one to pass to anyways, all her friends are far far far far awayyyy.. give me back my student-hood NOW!!!

i had a great time at bev's house today, first time in a LONGGG time i've seen almost everyone: barry, chek, darren, seah, yan bo, siams, fishie, vin, abel, shaun, daniel (who still owes me 29 punches. hahaha. my memory rocks.), amos, subas (who almost got stripped again.. =.=), vic, peter, ashish, michael, josh, the arcus, xi zhen, ting, bev, soph, ethel, miche, yap, meix, debbie, zhu, cheryl, tash, spam... i miss you all!! its been the longest time since we met up. glad to see that most of us *cough cough* are being useful and contributing to society in some way. heh.

i'm getting all incoherent. time for bed i guess. mr choo invited me for MAMBO NIGHT tomorrow.. hahaha. dunno if i'll have enough energy to step out of my house in the first place. i might just collapse in the bathroom later.. heh. watched PROTEGE today at 9.20pm (latest movie i ever watched in my life!!) with my beloved nat and E, who accompanied us despite having company class tomorrow morning. the show was EXCELLENT. period. need i say more? go watch for yourselves.

anyways, off to bed. peace on earth and mercy mild.

2007-02-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!!!

i'm in one of my rather pfffttt moods today.. perhaps i'm just tired. all that visiting has taken quite a toil on my poor little body. pretty exhausted today. i spent the whole day running around, from one relative's house to the next. roarrr.. tired. need to sleep soon before i bite someone.

tomorrow's gonna be another crazy tiring day.. but looking forward to every bit of tomorrow.. =DD

so time to bathe. i'm too lazy to upload photos these few days. keep watching this space though. haha.

i had a bad dream last night..why am i even feeling so lost?

2007-02-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

i'm totally exhausted.. need to crash now. thank you God tomorrow is saturday and i managed to hold out the whole week without fainting. =))

this week's been a blast!! will update with photos when my vision is less blurry.

i read through my previous entries and realised how much i've grown since i was in J1. hahaha. looking back, sometimes i wonder what i was thinking during that period of time. perhaps i was just stupid... hahaha.

okayy i have to sleep now. tomorrow is the annual spring cleaning. need to work those fats awayyyy.

WORLD PEACEEEEE!!! =D

2007-02-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

emo-ness over the past few days... this is a signal: getting THIRSTY.

i need to get away from the world for a while and run to the secret place for refuge just like David did..
oh Lord You have searched me and you know me.

2007-02-07T20:47:00.000+08:00

MY SWEETIE PIESSSSS.. =D

Here's what went on last weekend when we were planning for Project Bake-A-Cake-And-Surprise-Honyi:

Nat and Me, proudly displaying the wonderful chocolate cake which we toiled 2 hours for on saturday afternoon. hahaha. mixing the batter was quite a workout. E left early for ballet. btw nat, PLEASE GET AN ELECTIRC BEATER!!!
not bad eys? considering that the 3 of us aren't exactly the domesticated type of girls. haha. at least we didn't blow up nat's kitchen on our first attempt at baking. XP
met bea and hons on sunday evening at Vivocity's HEI SE HUI (The Bosses) for birthday dinnerrrr!! just look at the birthday girl's FACE. tsk tsk. brain of a 4 year old...
me and honsssss!!! hahaha. check out the pretty pink badge on her shirt. hahahaha. click for clearer view. it says BIRTHDAY PRINCESS. heh. i made her parade it around Vivo the whole evening.. she wanted to murder me. XP
gam bei to happy 19th and F5. =))

grow old along with me..

remember those good ole days when we used to sit together in class..

its THE TOY... heh.

mother bea feeding her kid.. my my, look at hon's face. priceless.
nat and i.. =))
my lovelies posing at the taxi stand out of boredom. haha.

to everlasting friendship!! you are deeply loved, F5. =)))

2007-02-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

happy birthday love!!!

its been 5 years since we met.. wow, time does fly faster than we expect it to eh? we're 19 this yearrrrrr!!! whoarr... i can't actually believe it. our teenage years are going to end in less than 2 years. quite sad yes? haha. since its YOUR birthday, i shall devote this entry to YOU, my HONeybunch.. =D

i don't actually know where to start when i think about all the times we've been through. actually, i think our friendship has really endured the most difficult period of our lives: Junior College. i know we didn't get to meet very much these 2 years.. maybe once a month or if we are like really free twice. but its just been amazing that we managed to survive. nowadays i look back and can obly thank God for preserving our friendship.. its so easy for it to turn cold due to all the physicalities, yet i know it has only grown stronger. truely words just fail to express every emotion and feeling that i've felt over these 5 years. watching you grow alongside me has been an honour. may God continue to watch over us (you and me, and F5) and direct us even as we grow each day. indeed, F5 FOREVERRRRRR!! =D

i love you so much dearrr.
happy 19th birthday.
huggers!!!

2007-02-01T20:57:00.000+08:00

my blog is not showingggggg...

what's wrong with Blogger these days? ROARRRR!!

2007-01-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

roarrrr...

why so downcast oh my soul within me..

=((

2007-01-25T20:51:00.000+08:00

some people are just disappointing; others are just worth my utmost sympathy.

i thank Daddy God for giving me such open parents, who would support me in everything and pursue dreams that may seem impossible. most importantly, they embrace the way i grow and develop giving room for me to breathe and the space to explore. i love my parentssssss!! =DD

haha.. anyways, been having a very slack week. today i went for dental. sad news is that i have to remove my wisdom teeth on the lower jaw after cny!!! horror on horrors.. yeahhh. i wanted to go on GA and be like totally knocked out when they do the whole operation but then the dentists adviced against it. so i'll be wide awake when the operation is carried out!! OUCHHHH!!! hahaha. not that i will be able to feel anything till after the operation.. heh.

went to visit shaun and darren in school today. hahaha. there's this massive pile of stuff in front of shaun's laptop.. poor thing. jia you!!! heh. then met clarissa by chance cos she was having lunch. heard that meix is teaching econs at ac too but i didn't manage to catch her cos she left already. met MR TANU at the canteen!! i haven't seen him in like such a long long time and he has like cool hair now. heh heh. so me, ashish and bev were talking to him in the canteen for the longest time. hahaha. topics covered ranged from army to drinking, to cool hang out places, to teachers and then back to drinking. hahaha. saw the side of mr tanu that is just plain nice. yeahhh. fantastic guy. actually, i realised that there's a child in all of us and it really depends whether we want to show it or not. haha. saw a bit of THE CHILD in sir today but its not a bad thing at all cos after all teachers are human too, yes??

rightios... tomorrow is gonna be another busy busy day. was supposed to go out with elaine but then i think we had to abort plan cos i have worship prac tomorrow from afternoon till late. roarrr. i miss my F5... when are we ever gonna see each other again?! =((

i hope my dear leneeee is doing really finee. she sounded pretty sad when she smsed me abt her OT this evening. must hang in there sweetsss!!! think shopping and cute shoes and nice bags and NEW YORK after all this nonsense. HANG IN THERE!!!!!

oh wells, i'm starting work again next week... GAMBATE ESTHER!!! must persevere!!! jia youuuuu...

till next time, WORLD PEACEEEE!!!!

2007-01-24T13:03:00.000+08:00

finally i get a week of rest from work and all. yayyyy...

haha. i bet someone is reading this from the office and wants to smash the screen up into itty little bits. haha. partly the reason why i'm blogging is cos of YOU la. hahaha. somemore come and say that recently my blog lacks substance. pffftttt. help me say hi to ye office colleagues and da jie too. heh. XP

my 3 weeks of teaching at mg was great. love my kiddos to bits... actually i was really really sad that i wasn't gonna be teaching them anymore when i get back next week. sigh. but never mind... at least in school we can still meet for coffee or tea or whatever. hahahaha.

so anyways, i'm getting a bit jittery cos after my next 3 weeks i will be JOBLESS. that's a pretty scary thought. i mean, it never really occurred to me until now that unemployment could be so real and such a cause for anxiety. haha. but of course, i'm still trusting God to give me a job... where ever it may be. i met this woman who works at HUGO BOSS' main office last night when i went for wedding dinner... like such a cool job can. obviously my skin is not as thick as to ask her if she could hire me as her secretary or something.. but of course that would be ideal. hahahaha. dream on.

yes yes... so this week is kinda like a holiday week for me. been waking up like in the afternoons and all. it just shows that getting up at 5.30am every other day for the past 3 weeks is simply unearthly. hahaha. managed to catch up with abel and ethel whom i haven't seen for like a ker zillion years... okay for maybe few weeks la. hahaha. we were like chilling at coffee bean at wheelock while talking abt a certain c*** e* l**. HAHAHAHA. i wonder how the rest of AHSCones are doing.. hmmm.. hopefully more of them will be at bible study tonight.

i'm on my little diet again. yessss... hahaha. as you know, now with all the extra work to do and stuff there's practically no time to exercise anyways. hahaha. lame ole excuses. the dieting was triggered after my sister's friends commented that i look so different now ie. look so much fatter now or gained so much extra weight. hahahaha. to a skinner self, here i come!!! =PP

till i update again, WORLD PEACE!! =DD

2007-01-22T12:14:00.000+08:00

You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You're my Sweetie Pie
You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums, You're the Apple of my Eye
And I love you so and I want you to know
That I'll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear

=DD

2007-01-19T23:58:00.000+08:00

i'm totally regretting everything i said already. arghh. =(((((

2007-01-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

Insomniac
by Billy Pilgrim

I can see you, don't even know you
Falling into the sheets at night
I place my hands flat on my chest
I feel the heart beat back the night
I try counting sheep, and I talk to the shepherd
And I play with my pillow for ever and ever
I sit alone and I watch the clock
I breathe in on the tick and out on the tock

I can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor
I don't have to have these dreams no more
Cause I've found someone just to hold me tight
Hold the insomniac all night

Dig my head down deep so I can't hear the cars outside on the street
And the stars are laughing
They get a kick out of my misery
I tried everything short of Aristotle to Dramamine
And the whiskey bottle
Pray for the day when my ship comes in
I can sleep the sleep of the just again

=)

let Your word be a lamp to my feet and a light unto my path..
i want to live and look back with no regrets..

2007-01-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

TOMORROW

no new year resolutions yet. actually i'm personally surprised that i don't have any. well, i'm quite a planner but this time round, i've got zilchness in my resolution so far.

not sure what's gonna happen cos everything suddenly seems to temporal and so surreal. is tomorrow REALLY going to be the start of the new school term? am i REALLY grown up now? what am i going to do from now on? where do i go from here?

all those questions flood my mind, and the best part is that deep inside, my inner spirit is kinda flustered. can't seem to have anything to hold on to anymore, no more assurances. its as if i'm pushed to the deep end and just let go of with no warning. scary indeed. i realise that there are so many things so dear to me, so many memories will flood my heart when i walk into those school gates again at 5.30am tomorrow morning on Blackmore Drive. but those people who used to be there are just shadows and memories that i can no longer grasp. i have to be independent now, all alone to deal with this independence. i don't want to grow up... =((

but amidst all those rather sad feelings in me, i guess i've learnt to become a stronger person, to cling to Him to assurance and no one else cos really everyone has to go their own way sooner or later and the physicalities just prevent meeting up face to face. i've learnt that regretting is the most painful feeling, as though one part of you dies cos you'll never know. perhaps my new year's resolution will be to live each day with no regrets. =))

over the past few days i met up with my dearest F5, choir peeps, and AHSCones. people that are so close to my heart and have impacted my life in various ways, watched me grow and protected me time and time again. words fail to express my gratitude and thanks for each one of you. i wouldn't know where and what i'd be without you and i truely thank God for each of you. =))

rightios. guess i'll be off to bed now. long day tomorrow.. can't wait to start educating curious young minds. haha.

WORLD PEACE!!

teach me how to teach..

2007-01-01T02:40:00.000+08:00

WELCOME TO 2007!!!

woo hoo! its a brand new year ahead!

well its come to my realisation today that there really is so much in store for me. and i being silly ole me, just looked past all the good things the past year. a tinge of regret, but i'm gonna make it right this year round, with Him being my lead. i realised that i, (like othello.. hahahaha) 'like the base indian threw away the pearl worth more than his tribe'. heh.

i guess i have to really lean on Him this year round. i'm gonna be on my own now, all grown up, independent woman. its not gonna be easy, but its the only way. and i really hope the job goes well cos i really wanna do such a great job, empowering young women with education.. the most precious gift that a girl can ever dream of receiving (quote Queen of Jordan). hahaha. yess.. call me Miss Ang. =))

okayy i'm pretty tired now i shall continue tomorrow. nights.

2006-12-26T18:16:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL!!!

yeappers. hope everyone had a fabulous christmas!!

share the joy, share the love..

i had probably the most unforgettable christmas this year with the alumni choir this year. singing carols and counting down with them squashed up in Mariott's hotel room watching Love Actually. haha. it was the most warm christmas i've ever felt in a long time perhaps also cos i shared it with people that were so close to my heart.

the next day was even better, met up with more choir people (and army boys) in the morning for brunch.. saw SML and yihui, both whom i miss so dearly. looking good i must say. haha. then met my bestest best girlfriends in the world, my F5 (2 of which were absent but well.. haha.) at Elaine's house for lunch. had a good time laughing with Elaine, hons, and e's sisters watching Bring It On 3. hahaha.

then off to family dinner and then met up with AHSCones at Vivo at nearly 9 for like supper. i miss them so so much.. tash, mich, ethel, ting, bev, cheryl, soph, meixi and the many many boys.. fish aka long ge, alvin mun, shaun, ashish, barry, darren, daniel dear, matt, josh, peter, josia, michael.. then there was the illegal gathering and crazy boyband filming at like nearly 2 am on some random bridge near Clarke Quay after our drink at Iguana Bar. hahaha. we were all pretty high. XP.

yeappers. that was my christmas 2006.

i'm really looking forward to the new year. its going to be so exciting: Orientation 07, working, meeting up with friends, family time, F5 birthday, Class gathering, Skittles outing, the BIG party coming up, the New Year Countdown at our favourite Xi Zhen's mansion.. can't wait!! =)

but well i guess all that is part of growing up.. yet there's this side of me that doesn't want to grow up. don't want to face the world, don't want to have to be on my own, don't want to be held responsible and account for myself. haha. conflicted lil ole me.

i've come to realise that love really gives a person the courage to do or say things beyond their imagination. unfortunately, i have no strength or courage left to love again.

so in this festive season, i wish everyone love. and world peace. =)

2006-12-24T00:20:00.000+08:00

to love and to be loved.
but for now, to forget.. and be forgotten.

2006-12-22T13:03:00.000+08:00

I'M BACK!!!

woo hoo. the trip was such a blast!! everything there was awesome: weather, food, lodging, people (yes, there are so many cute guys and pretty girls there. =DD). hahaha. i really really enjoyed myself. took like a kerbazillion pictures so i doubt i will upload it. hahah. maybe i will in my free time la. anyways, i didn't forget about all my beloved friends out there while i was in beautiful japannn.. heahaha. bought loads of stuff so i guess i'll be handing out the presents soon. hahahaha. =)

i guess it was a good break for me, away in a really lovely far away land with my dear family and my cousin. a time to recharge, a time to think, a time to reflect and to really just isolate myself and spend time with God and the people who are closest to my heart. well, coming back to our sunny little island, i guess life won't ever be the same again. yes, i know God has pointed me somewhere and more than ever i'm sure that i can hear His voice in my life so i'm taking it step by step with Him. i've learnt that i have to wait for good things to come. yes indeed. waiting is such an important process that i've learnt to embrace more than ever. and i guess, i don't want to be the same again. the same old person i was. so this is perhaps the start of a new person. haha. don't worry, i haven't morphed into some strange woman. just that maybe when u meet me, perhaps u'd notice that some things have changed. haha.

oh wells, change is good i guess. changing for the better and changing to be closer to Him and more like Him. its not about ME anyways. a lot of hurts and disappointments in the past year.. i'm just going to let it go and give it all to Him. and moving on to the new year ahead, i think i'm going to be like crazily busy. a bit sad cos that will mean that i have less time for going out and everything. hahaha. oh wells.

i bought nice nice clothes in japan!! hahaha. yes i'm obviously very happy about that. just a tinge of disappointment cos i didn't get boots. hahahaha. they are seriously nice la. and my wardrobe is crying out for a revamp. bought some nice cosmetics there and like hair clips and stuff. i realise that japanese people are really really BRANDED. yes.. every other girl on the street i see is carrying either Louis Vuitton or Chanel of Gucci. roarrr. hahaha.

all rightios, i gotta go now. tonight i'm going to watch my little juniors carol!! yay. perhaps relive some memories from last year when i was caroling as a J1. hahahaha. yeappers. till then, world peace!!

ps. hope the boys in army are doing good.. got u guys some cool stuff!! can't wait to see all of u. heh heh. i will remember to bring camera. XP

2006-12-12T01:24:00.000+08:00

You alone i praise, the keeper of my heart..

some closure today. feeling pretty numb. not sure if its the best thing to do or the right decision. but oh well. i give them all to You, Lord. take it all.

feeling a bit tired now. i really should start packing for the trip soon. like now. hahahaha. i still need to do my uni apps. argh.

2006-12-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

you remind me of someone i know..

and after talking to you today, i realise that there is so much more out there.

for so long i've been trapped in my own little world, not realising that there is more than what i think there is.

meeting you made me want to pursue greater things and not settle for something less.

perhaps all this while, i've been so naive in thinking.

2006-12-03T23:52:00.000+08:00

TO INFINITY AND BEYOND

it's been a really eventful week. let me just say that shopping for 7 days a week straight is really starting to take its toil on me. haha. never imagined that i'd feel this way.

managed to get everything for prom already. can't believe its in 2 day's time actually. but i'm looking forward to tomorrow cos its time to CUT HAIR at last. seriously, there's some wild bush growing out from my scalp. its THAT bad. roarrrr. haha. can't wait to get it trimmed.

then there's concert tomorrow after the hair cut, to which i got a very nice top this afternoon to go in tomorrow night. =)

shopping today with my family at Orchard was splendid. bought loads and loads of stuff and spent quite a bit. i really felt the pinch when my mom took out her credit card and started swiping. haha. yeappers.

okay, i'm pretty tired. gotta wake up quite early tomorrow morning.

toodles.

2006-12-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

WILD GIRL

WOW its hard to believe that its been exactly one week since the As ended. somehow it seemed like its been more than a month already. haha. strange eh.

anyways, these few days i've been really busy running here and there to shop. hardly managed to shop for myself. but today was a FRUITFUL day indeed!! well jolene huangs was supposed to come with me to make a kill but she fell ill.. =((( my poor sweetie is ill. sighs. so today i had to shop by myself. it was a bit sad, but very purposeful. i managed to get accessories for my prom outfit today: my clutch and ear rings and necklace (which i can't decide whether it should be worn as necklace or bracelet. haha). so that ends my prom shopping!! woo hoo. finally... after a million years i'm DONE with prom shopping. hahaha. went to do my eyebrows today. the lady did a pretty bad job tho... my eyebrows look kinda weird. HAHAHA. hopefully the person doing my make up can do something about the horrible state of my brows. XP

somehow i'm dead tired today. perhaps its cos the past few days i've been sleeping at like 1 or 2 am. hahaha. but well, i need to be awake and energized tomorrow so i guess i'll sleep early tonight for the performance tomorrow morning. i managed to see SML for the first time in a long time today. i really miss him being very spastic and fidgiting next to me during choir practices and performances. hahaha. it felt very surreal today when he stood next to me for caroling.. its like back to the good ole days when he used to crack on the high notes and i'd just roll my eyes at him and occasionally jab the TURKEY. hahaha. =)

oh wells, can't wait for the performance tomorrow and the party after that with the AH people. dunno who's gonna be there but i'm just looking forward to seeing everyone again. missing everyone like MADDDD. hahaha. i've been going for dinner parties most of the week like some wild girl. hehehe. need to start saving $$$ again for Christmas and the trip. my bank account is currently bleeding. =P

all rights. its time for me to head to the shower and then to bed. tomorrow's gonna be a LONGGG day.. btw i have many many MANY photos to uploads, but blogger is just not cooperating. roarrr.

2006-11-29T23:06:00.000+08:00

ITS TIME TO PARTY

today was the majoy party day. hahaha. and boy am i exhausted. anyways, my day out of the house started when i met up with yihui, jon tang and nad for lunch at Westmall where i had my all time favourite BAN MIAN at Koufu!! =D then me and yi hui headed to Jurong Point where i was his fashion consultant for prom. speaking of which, i have been accompanying the guys out to shop for their prom stuff all too often already and i haven't gotten MY OWN stuff!! i still have things unbought larh. who wants to go with me? boo hoo... hahaha. anyways, had a fruitful trip and we managed to get everything settled by the time we left at around 3.30pm.

then after that i went home to change and dress up cos it was some glam theme and well the juniors deserve our support yes? haha. and then despite the rain and all i chionged down to CHOIR PARTY in a cab!! woo hoo. been kinda looking forward to meeting up and catching up with all the long lost choir peeps after the A levels. was glad to see many many many familiar faces and i was just so happy to be home. home is where the heart is. haha. yeah. so anyways, not everyone is my section came but i managed to catch up with those who did. did i mention that i saw mrs wilson when i was leaving and i HUGGED her?? hahaha. i was so happy after that cos i really miss her to bits and pieces. XP

sadly, i had to leave at 7.35pm after having a bit of dinner and the awesome cheesy veggies cos i had arranged to meet mrs lim, mrs goh, ms bong and the other teachers with F5 on the same day at 6.30pm like months before the choir party date was settled. yeappers. it was gonna be really bad to cancel cos i wouldn't know when the teachers can make it again so i had to do a rather painful conpromise and leave. but anyways, i went there and had like TONS of fun!!! not to mention a welcome huggggg and smooch from mrs lim when i entered the house. talked with the teachers over more food and then we celebrated elaine's very very belated birthday with a slice of cake that couldn't stand up. HAHAHA. hons brought ice cream from Venezia so we had ice cream after munching and then we toasted to mrs goh being appointed as vice principle. then came the highlight when naomi played the violin for us before we left. she is so adorable!!! (unfortunately, blogger is not cooperating at the present moment so photos will come later) yeappers. dylan is so adorable too... argh. why is blogger not working? anyways, the gathering ended with mrs lim smooching us again as we left her house at the doorway and opening her house to us anytime to crash for the rest of the hols. heh heh. yeappers. AWESOME! =DD

and hence, after a very eventful and power packed day, i'm dead tired at home now typing this. tomorrow's gonna be another day of shopping for me and then maybe will meet up with nads and the choir ppl for sushi dinner or something. hahaha. all the best my sweeties for ye SAT 2s. study like mad. HAHAHAHA. i can only give u my utmost sympathy.

will upload photos soon.

till then, WORLD PEACE.

2006-11-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

retail therapy

yes. mega retail therapy today. went out with abel today cos he needed to get his prom stuff and i needed to do some major shopping. hehe. we met at Far East and searched for the bag shop to no avail (directions given by eugene seow. hahahaha.). then we headed to MANGO where i managed to find my BEAUTIFUL while coat. omg omg omg. its really really gorgeous. hahaha. i call it: J LO. hahahaha cos it has a semblence of the coat that j lo was wearing in Maid in Manhatten, tho i have to admit that show is really extremely lame. haha. so anyways, reserved the coat cos my account had not enough cash and my momsy promised to give some financial aid in a bit. then later we went to TOPMAN and to ZARA and to PEDRO and BEETLEBUG and X-SQUARE (again!!) to get abel's shoes, shirt and belt. hahaha. yeappers. very purposeful shopping trip it was. finally we were both kinda exhausted and hungry so at like 3 something we went to eat at Food Republic!! hahaha. food is good. anyways, after we got abel's stuff we went back to MANGO to pick up my flawless white coat. did i mentioned that i accidentally spent more than i wanted to cos i wanted to chalk up enough for the MANGO card? hahaha. XP

well, things just got even more exciting after i bade abel farewell at PS (where he went to be the ultimate lightbulb of the century by having dinner with ethel, darren, seah and debbie!! HAHAHA!). and i bounded excitedly, albeit my hurting legs cos i wore heels to shop today, to Victoria Concert Hall to meet my most beloved F5. hahaha. the band concert was okay. not very professional but i guess they were trying their best. at least i hope they were. haha. the international dance was actually choreographed really well and me and elaine really liked the choreography but then the dancers were not very in unison. actually, throughout the second half i kept wondering why they had like dance in the middle of a band concert. something extremely new to me. hehe. had fun watching anyways. not to mention we attempted to sneak into the reception area as one of the 'honoured' guests and feed our poor hungry stomachs cos most of us didn't eat dinner. the irony of it all was that we couldn't even FIND the reception area. hahaha. stupid.

anyways, after that we went for supper at Sakae Sushi cos Soup Spoon was too far off. we were all like crazily hungry so we just gobbled anything and everything we saw. hahaha. like as if we haven't eaten for the past 10 years. and subsequently went mad at Sakae Sushi and on the way home.
elaine, nat and bea on the other side of the table. don't ask me why bea is in that position. haha. its the GREEN TEA effect.
me and hons on the other side. trying to act cute and looking a bit more sane. hahaha. hons looks like she's gonna puke. XP.
as u can see, as the night progressed, we lost all sanity. haha.

so anyways, had such great fun today. and i can't wait for more tomorrow!!! choir party and dinner at mrs lim's happening AT THE SAME TIME. hahahaha. i need to split into 2. hehe. yeappers.

time to crash. to WORLD PEACE!! =)

2006-11-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

i'm speechless cos of Your unfailing love for me time and time again.

today was such a great day that words fail to describe the things that have happened. tho nothing majorly dramatic happened today, it was the peace in my inner spirit that made the ultimate difference.

met up with alvin mun to shop till we drop today. he needed to get his prom suit and i needed to buy like a kerzillion things. so we walked and walked and walked and finally we reached paragon and met up with his scone senior, alex, whom he dragged along to shop with us. haha. but anyways, so now the 3 of us headed to X-Square the shop where EVERY guy on this tiny little island has decided to get his prom suit from and we met matthew and josia. so now the group got a little bit bigger. i have to admit i finally understand how guys feel when girls drag them to shop with them at boutiques cos it was quite funny sitting there watching matthew and alvin mun parading around in their suits. me and alex were like trying to occupy ourselves and amusing ourselves with the very happy coloured ties and the random stripy shirts. hahaha. not that it was totally boring larh. it was a pretty interesting experience actually.

we were then joined by barry and ben chong and euguene at the shop cos they were looking for prom stuff too. how nice. after the 3 of them left, peter and his 2 sisters (have i mentioned that peter's younger sister is VERY pretty? haha. at least i think she is larh.) came to check out peter's prom suit. what did i tell you? haha. they left after a short while tho for greener pastures. then came ethel, darren, louis and seah, followed by daniel after his haircut at REDs which was pretty nice but he kept conplaining abt its puffy-ness. please la daniel... =.=". hahaha. but well after that me and ethel decided to abandon the boys and go down to STARBUCKS COFFEE for a drink to have our lil girl talk ourselves instead. hahaha.

after that everyone went their seperate ways and alex gave me a ride to holland v cos he was fetching alvin mun there for haircut with yazid. haha. yeappers. so there u go. my rather eventful shopping experience where i spent most of my time in X-Square and waiting around for the boys to decide on their prom outfits. roar. hahahaha. but we had a little AC reunion there so it wasn't all that bad. hehe. XP

yeappers. looking forward to doing some REAL shopping tomorrow and to meet up with my bro and darling F5. haha. can't wait!!

love you all. i think i'll try and upload some pics tomorrow cos its gonna i know tomorrow's gonna be another eventful day!!! =) got to go. time to crash..

WORLD PEACE.

2006-11-26T19:39:00.001+08:00

woo hoo!! so many things have been happening!! aren't you all so excited to know about my awesome post A level holiday. hahaha. bet everyone's fretting about prom stuff. muahahahaha.. *nudges honyi*

anyways, yesterday i went to my gramp's house to visit them. haha. its been a longg time. heh. yeappers. but i was so tired i fell asleep on the sofa. quite embarrassing. T.T

somehow there was this lil stirring in my heart last night and this expectation of a really good service today. and LO AND BEHOLD. service today at Wesley was excellent. i really didn't regret going for it today tho my parents weren't too pleased. well, they aren't exactly very happy about me wanting to go to Wesley cos they think i'm there for the company and the friends and my purpose isn't right. but well i will keep praying and God will show them in His time that my motives are not what they think they are, cos i know that whatever i'm doing i'm right with God and cos i feel that God really speaks to me through the sermons. yeappers.. God really moved in the audi this morning and there was ministry and everything. i was really really touched by one of the songs, shall put it up in a bit. anyways it really spoke to me and my spirit regarding things that have been kinda bugging me for the past few months. haha. yeah. sermon today was great too. and it was really like Daddy God talking to me and answering all my questions that i've been asking for such a long long time. Daddy God just spoke directly to me through the sermon and it really encouraged me and moved me. so well i can confidently say that Daddy God really answers those who earnestly seek His face and are thirsty for His word. =)

after that it was like some mad shopping spree thingamajiggy. hahaha. met up with nat and e to help them search for their prom dresses. nat was very good. she spend $105 on like cleansers and cosmetics at Origins. wait till her dad looks at the bill. HAHAHA. we really shopped till we dropped today. the 3 of us were thoroughly exhausted and our knees started to buckle while we were walking. elaine almost fell backwards. hahahaha. but it was fun.. all the shrieking and walking, and looking and scrutinizing and trying out here and there and the traumatic experiences of EXPOSURE. hahaha. =P

then later met up with mun and darren and shaun who were on their way to some class dinner and were also shopping for prom before meeting my parents for dinner. it was quite embarrassing when we were leaving taka cos we didn't expect the parking fee to be like $16.50!!! daylight robbery!!! best part was that our cashcard had insufficient cash. so we were holding up a whole long line of other cars. hahahaha. not our fault. =S

yeappers. can't wait for next week. looking forward to more shopping and cell group meeting. =)

and now, for the song:

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

WORLD PEACE!! =D

2006-11-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

Lord, there are so many things i don't understand..

i don't even know what to do..

feels like i'm stuck in a puddle of quick sand, sinking further and further..

but i know only You can pull me out Daddy..

Your lil girl is hurting..

please piggy back me.

when i don't understand, when i can't see Your hand, i will trust Your heart.

2006-11-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

FREEDOM AT LAST!!

i don't know why on earth you are like that but well i guess if you are not gonna say, i'm not gonna know.

2006-11-23T21:13:00.001+08:00

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

2006-11-23T17:10:00.000+08:00

finally... tomorrow is the day. the day of freedom. hahaha... when the whole art fac whooped for joy today after lit paper, and ethel, debbie, zhu, spam, andre and the rest of the class were heading off to orchard to watch casino royale, i was secretly sobbing inside. haha. a little pang of sadness... but its all right. my turn will come. TOMORROW!!!!

actually its quite sad cos i've actually gotten into the habit of studying over the past few months, and strangely i've developed a liking for it. haha. yes i sound insane. but i'm kinda sad that its REALLY over. i think i'm mental. T.T

anyways, daniel was asking me the other day whether i had plans after my As or not. and i was like: ''yeah. duh!! like shopping... and err... shopping and err... holidaying... err...working...'' and then his response was: '' so that's it?? you are quite loser. *laughs at me for a long while then stops to think* actually, i have no plans at all. so i think i'm even more loser than you." =.=" hahaha. whatever daniel. and stop calling me smelly cos i'm not!!!

oh well, i thought that was quite interesting. i guess everyone THOUGHT that they'd have a lot of plans after the As but actually there's really nothing much that's really in store. hence i've realised that majority of my friends are spending most of their time slacking off at home doing nuts. hahaha. not that there's anything wrong with that though. on the other hand now that our exams are out of sight out of mind, we can plan our prom activities without a worry or care in the world. hehe. how wonderful.

all rights. i think i shall hit the bed for a while before dinner and then continue reading up for the paper tomorrow, which i have absolutely no clue where the venue is. HAHA.

world peace. :DD

2006-11-22T13:58:00.000+08:00

i know that you wouldn't say this to me though i've always hoped that you would. but its okay. cos i'll take the first step.

i've always wanted your love, but i only got respect. perhaps you don't know how to put it and u don't know how to express yourself. but someone has to take the first step and i'm not afraid to. cos you really mean so much to me after all that has happened. despite all the tears and anger, despite all the times when we were so close to screaming at each other and me just walking off like that, i really hope that i can hear you say those 3 precious words to me. i don't wanna miss this stage and regret..

i love you so.

i really do mommy and daddy.

2006-11-21T18:50:00.000+08:00

my sister has been thoroughly irritating ever since her exams ended. she can't stop making noise, laughing, screaming, jumping around, watching tv... the list goes on. roar.

so u can imagine. there's a battle going on even at home. my sister being the home-loving sort of girl, would rather watch tv in solitude than go to her friend's house to chill. argh!!

just 3 more day. and then there will really be world peace. and my lil sister can have the house all to her self.

2006-11-20T09:47:00.000+08:00

My Father, I adore You more
than anything my heart could wish for
I just want you
And Jesus, my beloved Saviour
Everything I am I owe to You
I owe it all to You

And angels come and adore You
And we Your children worship You

You are my world
You are my God
And I lay down my life for You
You are my Lord
The One I love
No one could ever take Your place

And everything I have
I give to You, my Lord, the One I live for
I live for You
And all my days are gifts from You
I pray I'd use them as You want me to
Use them for you

'Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.' - Galations 1:10

after this week, i'll be smiling like a pig. =)
till then, world peace.

2006-11-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

today i finish my last paper for the week.

boy am i tired. zzzz... thank you daddy God for pulling me thru this week. seemed like mission impossible on monday, but when i look back today i can only smile a big smile and say thank you.

after all those papers, i really think the chances of me getting into the course of my choice in uni is highly impossible. yes, call me a worry wart, but i really can't help worrying. so sue me if u want. just having a reality check. but of course, i still pray and trust that whatever happens, its cos Daddy has great plans for me. =)

oh well, today is the first day in a really long time i stepped into Orchard Road. yes, my BELOVED Orchard Road. i realise that its only when people lose something that they really learn to appreciate having it around. haha. yes, esther has gotten quite a bit of enlightenment and insight from all that mugging. so i sashayed along the streets of Orchard Road this evening while i was out for dinner with my family. everything was so christmas-ey that i'm starting to get into that Christmas festive mood too. but no no no, i have to snap out of it by tonight. tomorrow is a back to studying again. weh weh.

so many things on my mind, and i feel so liberated that i don't feel like studying anymore.. hahaha. dreams are sweet. but well, i've decided that the first thing i'm gonna do when i'm done with exams is: *drum roll* GO AND CUT MY FRIGGIN LONG HAIR. yes, my fringe is no longer counted as a fringe.. its grown way too long. my sis tried to make me jealous today by visiting her stylist and getting her hair cut cos today's her last paper. pffffttt. whatever. my turn will come. heh heh.

wow, i just realised that life after exams are going to be packed packed packed. i wanna make myself busy anyways, can help to numb the soul a bit. perhaps i finally understand why workaholics are able to sustain themselves. haha. well, i'm definitely NOT a workaholic. contrary to that, esther is a big shoppaholic. retail therpy NEVER fails. haha. trust me.

this is really random, but my stomach has been GROWLING relentlessly since this afternoon. seriously, i'm starting to believe that i've some stomach problems. i promise i ate. i ate SO MUCH for dinner which happened like 3 to 4 hours ago?? why is my stomach still growling??? *growl* roar.

yeappers yeappers. all rightios. time to bathe and have a good nice deep sleep. hopefully no more nightmares. haha.
still missing you a lot. but well.. sigh. praying for you. love always.
till later, WORLD PEACE!! =)
*my new motto, from watching Miss Congeniality for the 10 billionth time on HBO. haha. snort.*

2006-11-16T17:01:00.000+08:00

barely mnaged to survive this week. all the papers came flooding in all at once.

i'm so tired. slept at 12 and woke up at 4 this morning just to study geog paper 2. yet, the paper turned out so crappy that i seriously wanted to hide in some corner and cry. its gonna be a joke if i do better for geog S that the actually paper. i'm really disappointed. yeah, i guess no point crying over spilled milk, but its just that sometimes it ain't so easy to get over it.

sigh.

i don't know. i guess i'll continue doing my best for the other papers. i can really say that i did all i could for this geog paper and its been a feat that i've been able to survive this week. yes, only by His grace and Him carrying me thru this. 8 essays, 6 drqs, 1 mcq, 1 case study so far. tomorrow, it'll make 10 essays. gosh, how does a normal human being write 10 essays in a week. roar.

after all those bloody exam battles, i've been getting a lot of nightmares. perhaps i'm starting to experience a pseudo-war experience, where in Regen and First World War Poetry, soldiers just keep getting haunted by all those traumatic and psychologically devastating side effects of war. haha. its a war out there all right. yeap, right in the ACJC Sports Complex. been getting really bad nightmares. lets just say that ever since the exams started i haven't exactly even slept properly. the symptoms of war neurosis are appearing. haha.

i've come to realise that sometimes even the most mature person can get childish, even the strongest person can be weak, even the most understanding of people can be unreasonable, and the most knowledgable can be unsure. yet, some people just fail to realise that. am i not just human too? made of the same flesh, blood and bones as the next person standing on the streets. but no, perhaps i'm expected to know everything and to figure out for myself what on earth is going on. sigh. seriously, how will i know what's wrong if no one says anything??? i'm really not God. i don't want to be God anyways. not that i don't want to be Christ-like. i just NOT God.

too many things have happened. guess after this week i can finally breathe a little and start picking up some of the pieces that have been broken for a long time.

when ethel said that we'd go out for lunch today, it suddenly came to my realisation that i haven't heard or said the 2 sacred words 'GO OUT' for a long time. haha. epitomy of deprivation. sad case.

this is so emo and melancholic. sigh. but i'm not gonna pretend to be happy and that everything is okay when well, life hasn't exactly been a bed of roses. not that i'll start trumpeting to the world my woes and worries, i mean NO i won't even do that. hahaha. this entry serves the pure and simple purpose of a little catharsis. yeappers.

paper tomorrow. perhaps i shall go and rediscover my annotation prowress now. hahaha.

till next time, WORLD PEACE. =)

2006-11-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared

In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Cos true love never dies

2006-11-12T17:40:00.000+08:00

heaven gates are not so highly arched
as princes palaces: they that enter
must go upon their knees

miss you.

2006-11-11T10:11:00.000+08:00

studying is driving me nuts!! haha.

i hope you all are doing good and fighting strong my sweets. thinking of you guys all the time. press on and we will make it! quote nat: BE STRONG. hahaha. take care my loves.

remember those days not so long ago:

when we'd hang out at a certain hon's house and play SIMS 2 till the cows came home

and we'd put aside our busy till can die schedules to meet up at Brekos and just go mad

our little adventures around lovely Singapore

and making teachers' day cards together at queen bea's house

so we can make it my sweeties!! just have to choing very hard and occasionally take a moment to chill like the enlightened one in the background.

lub chew girls so!! huggs.

=)

2006-11-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

i remember that time when me and my best friend cried and cried in sec 3 when this piece of crap of a FISH scolded me for plaiting my hair along the corridor and forced my best friend who was a prefect to book me for it. i'll never forget what she told me after that. she said she didn't cry cos she was scared. she cried cos we were blamed for something that was really dumb and it wasn't even our fault. we were totally being maligned that day. traumatic experience for us both.

its not easy to squeeze tears out of me. not one of those korean dramas that thousand of girls were crying buckets over made me drop a single tear. but i really get upset when people don't believe me. belief, faith, confidence. something that is intangible, yet something so vital to me. i don't understand, do i have something written across my forehead that says: 'i'm totally unbelievable'? seems like that's the case. its been disappointing. and really heartbreaking. even people whom i really care about are being like that.

sometimes i wonder: if i was ever wronged, will there be just one person in the entire world (other than God) who will believe that i didn't do it? guess not. perhaps that why my confidence in Man has diminshed to zilch-ness. and i have to protect what's left of my heart from the doubts that are constantly surrounding me.

i guess at the end of the day i'll just be left standing in the rain. alone.

i can't see His plans but i will trust His heart.

wouldn't it be nice if we were older then we wouldn't have to wait so long..

2006-11-05T16:59:00.000+08:00

There was a girl I knew
Who always wanted to
Be the one to stand out from the crowd
Always believed that she
Was gonna live for dreams
That what went down was gonna come around

For all the doubters, non-believers
The cynical that once were dreamers
One of these days you'll open up your eyes
And you'll realize

That girl was a one-time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabe
But she'll have changed her destiny
Now she's a somebody
That girl was a wild child dreamer
But she'll find herself
'cause she believes in nothing else
Then you'll look back when you won't believe
That girl was me

Armed with an attitude that she knows how to use
She's gonna get there any way she can
Now she knows what she wants
No one is gonna stop her
Nothing's ever gonna hold her back

2006-11-04T23:46:00.001+08:00

"You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done. You left me. You chose Addison. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."
- Dr Meredith Grey, 'Grey's Anatomy'

2006-11-02T19:08:00.000+08:00

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
my heart hurts Lord. but let me look nowhere else except at You.

2006-10-31T21:20:00.000+08:00

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I’ll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arms
You’ll never let me go
Through it all

=)

2006-10-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

Psalm 34

I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

2006-10-30T23:29:00.001+08:00

perhaps you will never understand the meaning of protecting the people whom your love because you don't have to ability to.

2006-10-28T21:21:00.000+08:00

woke up today feeling really really dizzy and feverish. roar. slept in the living room the whole night while my momsy was watching some korean show till 4 am this morning. hence the acute neck ache when i eventually roused from the sofa. =(

less than a week till the start of As. *cold sweat* but well, my motto now is 'to persevere is to win'. so ALL THE WAY!!

meanwhile, i've been trying also to arrange some prom stuff so i won't have to start fretting on the 24th after my paper and can relax about the whole prom thingy. call me a kiasu pok but i'm not exactly a last minute person. haha. yeappers.

time to go back to the books now. toodles.

Living in my own world
Didn't understand
That anything can happen
When you take a chance
I never believed in
What I couldn't see
I never opened my heart
To all the possibilities
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
And right here tonight

This could be the start
Of something new
It feels so right
To be here with you
And now looking in your eyes
I feel in my heart
The start of something new

Now who'd of ever thought that
We'd both be here tonight
And the world looks so much brighter
With you by my side
I know that something has changed
Never felt this way
I know it for real

2006-10-27T21:51:00.000+08:00

am i really me?

perhaps this studying period has really changed me. i've become intolerable and unreasonable and sometimes even i can't stand myself: my selfishness and my pride. i've become unable to love some people that i used to be able to so easily. instead, i exchange that love for detest and distance myself away from them.

argh. should i even be thinking about this now? perhaps not. because i have no time to think about such things. no time at all.

all i have left is to persevere and finish this race before me..

yet i'm just so shattered by the things that have been happening recently and my unacceptable behaviour that irks me so badly when i even think about it.

roar. selfish thoughts again.. =(

help Lord.. what should i do? where should i go? i'm just so conflicted. where has the real me gone to?? what is this??? it seems like everything has gone wrong. and even i have gone haywire.

this sucks big time.

God be in my head and in my understanding

2006-10-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

Philippians 3:12-16:
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

2006-10-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

today was a tiring day.

didn't do much work tho. a bit disappointed.
left
long day tomorrow. sigh.

Vivocity was quite a letdown. most stores were like closed. wth.

haha. tired now so i'm quite angsty. pardon me.

thanks for your call dear. it really made my day. =)

2006-10-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

woo hoo. great studying day today at matthew's house! *jumps around happily*

its been such a long time since we all gathered together and had some fellowship. feeling all nice and warm now as i think about it. hahaha. tho it was only like 7 of us. hahaha. it was great.

enjoyed myself so much studying with ethel and cheryl and doing lit till we were sprawling on the floor. haha. and then cheryl eavesdropping on matthew and bev's conversations. haha. all the tat-glam moments and the wonderful dinner made with love by matthew's mother. and then reminescing about the old days when we were still in school. wow whee. yeah.

=)

2006-10-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

yet another busy day...

pardon my emoness in the previous entries. guess this is the october low. haha.

but oh wells. i've come to realise again today that i can only put my hope in God and no one else. cos man really does fail.. yeah.

give me the strength Lord to carry on even when it seems like i can't seem to move from here. give me the ability to love even when it hurts and heal my heart when its torn apart.

2006-10-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

to you

you probably don't know that i've been thinking about you so much
thinking so much about the things we've done together
and just realising that though its just been such a short while
i miss you so much..
i can be who i am without being pretentious when i'm with you
i can just be plain ole me
and i know that you accept me for the person i am
and i just know that you will always be there for me.
i think only you can make me cry when i think about you in times of solitude..

2006-10-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

"Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." 1 Corinthians 9: 26, 27

2006-10-13T09:52:00.000+08:00

it feels as if there's a hole in the part where my heart used to be.
it feels as tho its impossible to move from here.
help.
give me strength Lord, to face tomorrow cos i'm so tired and my heart is shattered beyond repair.
Sinto saudade tuas..

2006-10-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

i was sure by now
that you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away
stepped in and saved the day
but once again, i say "amen", and it's still raining

as the thunder rolls
i barely hear your whisper through the rain
"i'm with you"
and as you mercy falls
i raise my hands and praise the god who gives
and takes away

i'll praise you in this storm
and i will life my hands
for you are who you are
no matter where i am
every tear i've cried
you hold in your hand
you never left my side
and though my heart is torn
i will praise you in this storm

i remember when
i stumbled in the wind
you heard my cry
you raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can i carry on
if i can't find you

as the thunder rolls
i barely hear you whisper through the rain
"i'm with you"
and as your mercy falls
i raise my hands and praise the god who gives
and takes away

i lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
my help comes from the lord
the maker of heaven and earth
remind me that i live for Your glory alone.
remind me that i am not my own. cos i am Yours.

2006-10-08T19:06:00.000+08:00

its october... roar!!

a month nearer to the big As. i told E today that i finally know why the A levels are called the A levels: cos they are really VERY advanced. not to mention that getting an A is also VERY impossible. argh.

had a busy day today.. went to Wesley today with nat and had so much fun with her awesome cell group!!! =) it was really great. i love nat's cell group. the dynamics are just fab. and her cell leader, Gary, is just so funny!!! played the 'Talk-Cock' game with them. my first attempt at talking cock was not too bad. haha. tho it was less than a minute. sigh. fish and gary clocked at least 5 minutes. hehe. cool game. the brunch was great: sandwiches, muffins, biscuits, cheese, mooncake, etc etc. not to mention the ants who were busily scurrying around attempting to grab something from our picnic mats and constantly attacking my precious Converses.

then after that i headed down to E's place to study math and revise some stuff. brain got fried. then E went for ballet and then i went back home.

its been quite a busy week. next week is gonna be even worse i think. haha. all those lil mock exams. pardon me, but every time i think of mock exams i remember ms leow saying: 'we kill you with prelims first.. later then we mock you.' haha. quite random.

just thinking about the 4 subjects i have and the lack of time gives me these constant jerks of fear. the thought of dropping one sub or my S paper is constantly lingering in my mind. but then there's the other side that keeps going: don't give up. its not worth it giving up now.

the haze has cleared today!! finally. after like 2 horrid days of unhealthy haze in our sunny island, i can finally see things outside my window clearly. haha. still, what baffled me most during those 2 days was that the haze was already so bad, and people were still playing with sparklers for mooncake festival. what's worse, others were still smoking!! like... isn't it smelly enough already?! can't you hear your lungs screaming for help?? haha. clowns.

oh wells. i guess its time to go back to my books. being associated to books and nerdism has become the highest compliment. haha.
deep inside me.. i'm very very worried.
if i had only one wish, it would be to see you truely smile again.

2006-09-29T20:28:00.000+08:00

to love and create unity even in times like these..

teach me how Lord.

2006-09-28T21:30:00.000+08:00

i thought that i'd be on the road to recovery after 6 days of being sick, but no... my hoarse voice just proves one point: i'm STILL sick. roar.

i really don't like being sick. can't do any work. my mind is so tired that my emotions just run haywire. i currently have the memory similar to that of a goldfish, and i've been looking so sickly and pale its starting to scare me. seriously, i've never looked in the mirror and to my horror go: 'IS THAT ME?!' haha.

but despite that, i know that wallowing in self-pity is no point and most importantly, its very immature. yeah. well, thankfully God is always there for me, and i know that if i wanna throw a tantrum, i will throw it at His feet and then He will help me get through it all. yeappers.
i love you so much Lord. thank you for wiping away my tears when i cried and embracing me with your everlasting love.
21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
22 For in my inner being I delight in God's law;
23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?
25 Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

okay, back to studying.. feeling all inspired to do work now. hehe.

2006-09-27T22:00:00.000+08:00

Psalms 31

1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols; I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place.
9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbors; I am a dread to my friends— those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead; I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear the slander of many; there is terror on every side; they conspire against me and plot to take my life.
14 But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD, for I have cried out to you; but let the wicked be put to shame and lie silent in the grave.

18 Let their lying lips be silenced, for with pride and contempt they speak arrogantly against the righteous.
19 How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues.
21 Praise be to the LORD, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city.
22 In my alarm I said, "I am cut off from your sight!" Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.
23 Love the LORD, all his saints! The LORD preserves the faithful, but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.

i trust in You O Lord. and i know that You will catch your lil girl when she falls. i know that You will hold me tight even when i throw my tantrum, and comfort me and whisper 'i love You my lil girl.'

2006-09-26T23:24:00.001+08:00

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll missing your lovin' every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry

Because a true love never dies
i suck. i cried today when i saw you leave..
goodbye joanne mother. i will miss you so much.

2006-09-26T23:24:00.000+08:00

2006-09-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

i'm sick. and feeling like a total wreck. my head is so going to burst this very instant. *boom*

i'm just so physically and mentally drained.

every sap of energy from my body is probably already left me.

i was actually quite surprised that i managed to make it back home today after tuition by bus.

almost collapsed on the way home.

*sniff* *sneeze*

it sucks being sick.
i don't blame u at all.
it was just disappointment.

2006-09-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

how now brown cow?

feeling kinda lost after that phone call. sigh.

its been a long time since i felt this way.

Lord please control my thoughts and feelings now.

roar!

Whatever it takes
Oh, how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

2006-09-18T22:32:00.000+08:00

didn't do much work today.

angry with myself.

pffft.

2006-09-15T17:50:00.000+08:00

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
i lay it all at Your feet. and choose to carry on despite it all.