Monday, October 31, 2005
its only when i look back and trace the way
my crooked path has wandered
i see the footprins in the sand
and i realise You were there beside me
every single day
You carried me through all my trials
You carried me when i was troubled and alone'
when my strength had gone, couldn't get along without You
You carried me, so i wouldn't stumble
You carried me just when i needed someone there
who would be a friend and i reached the end
Because He carried me
Lord, i'm tired. please carry me now. your princess can't go on anymore. she's really really tired.
11:20 pm
soak up the son
Saturday, October 29, 2005
i realised its been long since i last said anything. haha. yeah. many things have happened... not all are pleasent, but oh well. life goes on.
things are constantly changing. people are changing too. thankfully God doesn't change. everything is so temporal. haha.
way too many things have happened... and i'm tired. fortunately, the holidays are here... but then again, holidays don't equate to rest in the first place. and rest doesn't equate to being rested.
sigh.
9:15 pm
soak up the son
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
there is nothing more i can say other than
God is faithful. thank you God for everything that You have done. THANK YOU.
Proverbs 19:21
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is th Lord's purpose that prevails."
truely Lord, not for my glory (nor for anyone elses for that matter), but for Yours alone.
10:29 pm
soak up the son
Monday, October 24, 2005
self control esther... self control. =)
proverbs 16:32
'Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.'
proverbs 25:28
'like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self control'
trusting in God for everything. guide my ways and lead me to green pastures.
8:19 pm
soak up the son
You
light, broke through my
night,
Restored exceeding
joyYou
praise, fell like the
rain,
And made this
desert live.
You have
turnedMy
mourning into
dancingYou have
turnedMy
sorrow into
joyThis is how we
overcome.
This is how we
overcome.
This is how we
overcome.
This is how we
overcome.
10:21 am
soak up the son
Sunday, October 23, 2005
teach me God to do Your will and guide me along this narrow path.
i want to seek You face and not Your hands.
i know this ain't gonna be easy.
8:23 pm
soak up the son
Saturday, October 22, 2005
i realised that i find it very hard to be a Christian. its not as easy to
REALLY be a christian. i don't want to be called a christian... i want to be a christian. the difference is tremendously great. i've realised that my weakness is causing a lot of hurt. especially recently... no, more like this year... hurting the very people that i care for most. i become super emo and start to claw everything like a mad cat. and how is that acting in love?
NADA.
when things circumstances are against me, i become so selfish, only dwelling on my pain and not being sensitive enough to see that perhaps over on the other side, other people are hurting even more. and then i just go along, stabbing people like i'm carrying out some massacre. yes, emotional massacre. there is so much more i need to grow.
the Bible talks of
self control. truely, this is one area which i know i lack greatly in. self control in almost everything. i need to saddle my
TONGUE (that annoying everyday challenge), saddle my
EMOTIONS (each time things happen, i tend to move towards to emotional side instead of keeping my head on my shoulders. not saying that i have to become all cold and scary. just that, emotions take u on an unnecessary roller coaster ride), saddle my
THOUGHTS (this is possibly the hardest thing on earth to do...).
i know i cannot keep allowing myself to fault just because i give the simple reason of me being human. actually, that's a pathetic excuse. Jesus was human when he walked on this earth many many years ago. yet, he didn't go around cursing and swearing when things didn't go his way; he didn't go around hurting his close friends and disciples when he was sent to the cross but was so troubled internally that he started sweating blood while praying. in fact, he exercise the highest form of self control despite all sorts of emotional bombardments and external pressures. and if He can do it, why not me? esther ang?
there is so so much that is going on right now, practically everyone is at this breaking point of not knowing exactly what to do. promos are disgusting things... but everything is for His glory and not ours, is it not? God's timing is always perfect and He holds the master plan in His hands. though we may be suffering now, our suffering should reflect His greatness in our most trying times.
max lucardo talks about this in his book,
Its not about me, in the current chapter
'My struggles are about Him''Maybe God messed up. Cancer cells crept into your DNA when he wasn't looking. He was so occupied with the tornado in Kansas that he forgot the famine in Uganda. He tried to change the stubborn streak in your spouse but just couldn't get him to budge. Honestly. A bumbling Creator? An absent-minded Maker? What evidence does Scipture provide to support such a view? What evidence does creation offer? Can't the Maker of heaven and earth handle bad traffic and prevent bad marriages? Of course he can. Then why doesn't he?
Perhaps he is mad. Have we so exhausted the mercy of God's bank account that every prayer bounces like a bad cheque? Did humanity cross the line millennums ago, and now we're getting what we deserve? Such an agrument carries a dash of merit.
God does leave us to the consequences of our stupid decisions. Think Egyptian soldiers in Red Sea. Hebrews in Babylon, Peter weeping with the sound of a crowing rooster in his ears. Bang your head against the wall, and expect a headache.
God lets us endure the fruit of sin. But to label him peeved and impatient? To do so you need to scissor from your Bible some tender passages such as:
God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love.
He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him.
(Psalm 103:8)
Don't blame suffering in the world on the anger of God. He's not mad; he didn't mess up. Follow our troubles to their headwaters, and you won't find an angry or befuddled God. But you will find a sovereign God.
Your pain has a purpose. Your problems, struggles, heartaches, and hassles cooperate toward one end - the glory of God. "Trust me in your times of trouble, and i will rescue you, and you will give me glory" (Psalm 50:15)
Not an easy assignment to swallow. Not for you. Not for me. Not for the blind man on the side of the road.'
now isn't this totally true... but wait... there's more...
'Are people strengthened by your struggles? ... God will use whatever he wants to display his glory. Heavens and stars. History and nations. People and problems. ... A season of suffering is a small assignment when compared to the reward. Rather than begrudge your problem, explore it. Ponder it. And most of all, use it. Use it to the glory of God. '
what a difficult thing to live out. using your problems for God's glory.
putting God above self. Dying to self in fact. that its no longer u that live, but Christ that lives in u.
there is so much more growing that is needed for me.
8:26 pm
soak up the son
Friday, October 21, 2005
promo results were bad.
all i can say is, its all my own fault that i'm now stuck with the dilemna of either dropping one sub and taking S paper or trying to keep 4 subs and not take S paper, instead of being able to do both, which was what was supposed to happen. i guess God has other plans for me. now, i'm at the T-junction of my life... which road should i take Lord? your baby girl needs some help here... =(
the whole getting results back thing has really drained me. i was numb almost the whole day afterwards. thankfully, my parents didn't overreact to it. they were, on the contrary, supportive. my dad even offered to get tuition for me for math. to which i kindly declined. i don't know what to think now. i'm not even sure what to do. i just need to spend some time talking to my Daddy. i need Him to tell me what i'm supposed to do. i don't want to make the wrong move.
tomorrow is AC open house. yay. quite excited. will be singing to whole day... potentially tiring, but i'm still looking forward to it.
i guess i'm in a mix of feelings right now. they are all so mixed up that i don't exactly know what i'm supposed to be feeling... really... too many things happened at once. i'm quite in a daze now. and yes, i'm developing a headache so i shall go and take a nap while waiting for dinner.
John12:27-28"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall i say? 'Father save me from this hour'? No it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father glorify your name!"
7:00 pm
soak up the son
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
choir was excellent. tiring, but awesome. it was nice singing with everyone again... i missed it... =)
thank you God for seeing me thru the Arts Council interview this afternoon. i was terribly stressed about it. i always freak out before interviews... i think Samuel was kinda worried by my very queer actions before the interview started. haha. but yes, it went ok... now there's just one more important thing to do... i hope that i won't forget to do it tomorrow... if not, i'm more than just dead. haha.
God has been really good to me the past week. though i've been put thru trials time and time again, He never fails to remind me that His love for me prevails over all, and that He is with me always, and that He will protect His baby girl and princess. but i know that He wants me to grow up ad mature too. i mean, even i don't want to remain God's baby girl all my life. i want to be Him friend and confidante too... and to be one, i need to grow up and mature a lot more. and basically trust in Him and let Him guide me all the more. yesh yesh.
oh well, its back to PW.
9:34 pm
soak up the son
many things happened the past few days. there's so much to say... but... ya. haha.
i'm in the mac lab now doing PW... i realised that mac computers are really pretty on the outside, but are 'too high tech', or in other words, too not user-friendly. we had a lot of intial problems trying to even get onto the internet. pretty but impractical. we can't insert a floppy disk into the computer. whatver lor... we are just too suaku for this mac lab. haha. i can't wait till these 2 weeks of school are over... then the offical holidays will be here... i'm already in the holiday mode. lol.
haha... sexuality talk soon... i'm sure certain individuals in my class are very excited abt it... lol. *cringe* anyway, Dollz wasn't in school today again...but then i want to watch Talking Cock lor... i hope she comes tomorrow... haha.
i was discussing with Shaun last night abt the OGL thingy. can't wait for the interview!!! i wanna be an OGL!!! haha.
i realised that Samuel is starting to become more gentlemanly. 2 stars for u Sam!!! haha. he was so nice to carry the lappie to school and lend it to us to do our WR... and he offered to carry the 'emblem of authority' around the whole day. which was awfully nice. =)
yesterday i had quite a nice time with hengyi choosing photos for the powerpoint slideshow. haha... it was really fun. plus, went for dinner at this nice nice pasta restaurant in Takashimaya later with nads and mark after we went to get paper for the choir open house preparations. yay... =)
okie dokes... i think i gtg now... blog again soon.
12:04 pm
soak up the son
Monday, October 17, 2005
testing one two three... lol.
8:43 pm
soak up the son
