Wednesday, March 29, 2006
'If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.' - Psalm 139:11 & 12
You are my guide.
9:32 pm
soak up the son
Sunday, March 26, 2006
You don't run with the crowd
You go your own way
You don't play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That sets you apart
Baby that's why you've captured my heart
I know sometimes you feel
Like you don't fit in
And this world doesn't know
What you have within
When I look at you
I see something rare
A rose that can grow anywhere
And there's no one
I know that can compare
What makes you different
Makes you beautiful
What's there inside you
Shines through to me
In your eyes I see all the love I'll ever need
What makes you different makes you beautiful to me
You've got something so real
You touched me so deep (touched me so deep)
The material things
Don't matter to me
So come as you are
You've got nothing to prove
You won me with all the you do
And I wanna take this chance to say to you
You don't know how you've touched my life
Oh there's so many ways, I just can't describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
It's all the little things that made you beautiful to me
Everything in you is beautiful
Love you give shines right through me
Everything in you is beautiful
Beautiful to me (to me)
you, yes you. =)
7:58 pm
soak up the son
today's sunday school lesson was a blast. the topic for the lesson was 'self image'. if u had expected it to be something ultra cheam like 'holiness', think again.
self image.
the lesson revolved around Moses and how he found his real 'identity' and real purpose in life. but he didn't find it when he was in the palace as some pampered rich kid, or wealthy high powered prince, he found it in the desert where there was no one there except a burning bush with the 'I AM'.
many times we are all too caught up with the world's perspective of us, or rather, how we blend into society and be part of it. a lot of times, our 'identity' or our 'self image' is based on the world's standards. television, advertisements, the latest fad or trend, the newest fashion and craze. we want to be
with-it. but have we wondered why the one who saw us in our mother's womb even before we were formed moulded us to be different? yet we are guity of being caught up with the world's value systems and beliefs so often and wanting so much to be parallel to it.
do you know your identity in Christ? do you know how much you mean to Him?
Psalm 139:1-4'O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.You know when i sit and when i rise;you perceive my thoughts from afar.You discern my going out and my lying down;you are familiar with all my ways.Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord'
7:43 pm
soak up the son
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Lord, let me fix my eyes on You even when circumstances are against me...
screwed my terms.
depression.
8:38 pm
soak up the son
Monday, March 20, 2006
Try by Nelly Furtado
All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me
dunno what's wrong with u lately.Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try
each time i try, u just ignore me.All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love
can u just tell me what on earth is going on?i need the answer now.
11:38 pm
soak up the son
Remember this song that
we sang not so long ago?
bless this school oh Lord we pray
make it safe by night and day
bless these wall so firm and stout
keeping want and trouble out
bless the roof and tower tall
let thy peace lie over all
bless doors that they may prove
ever open to joy and love
bless these windows shining bright
letting in God's heavenly light
bless this hall astanding here
filled with singing and with prayer
bless the people here withinkeep them pure and free from sinbless us all that we may befit O Lord to dwell with theebless us all that we one day maydwell O Lord with theewhy do i tear whenever i hear it? maybe because it brings back years of memories that i will never forget. all the tears and smiles.
but i'm afraid that
you won't remember these memories anymore. so often afraid that it would just become a part of the past and
you would just forget it all. sometimes i wish
we all weren't so far apart, sometimes i wish
we all didn't have to leave. then it would save
us so much pain. sometimes i wonder why
we all have to grow up and be who
we are. sometimes i wonder if
you feel that
we are drifting apart? i'm scared. because i don't want to, but i'm scared. i feel it because
we haven't met up for about a month and
we don't really miss each other. everything around
us cause
us to lack fellowship and gathering. i blame myself for being so busy and having such a crazy hectic schedule... sigh.
yes, i admit. i'm scared. but please tell me that its gonna be all right, and its just me being insecure over nothing.
eek. i'm getting all gross and melancholic. i'd better snap myself out of this.
9:27 pm
soak up the son
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
BACK TO THE OLD SCHOOL DAYS!!!
yay... i finally managed to upload the photos!! enjoy!!
clare: the woman who stole my twisties under my nose and offered me the remnants of it. hahaha.
me, jolene and the presidents!! haha. mark's pants are really high. >.<
THE BRACES GANG!! and heng yi's hand. =.=
me and my da ge. =)
me and ming long... gosh look at his expression...
me and yi hui. haha.
the lil J1 altos and frances!! haha.
enci, me and jolene!! =)
J2 altos-darling SL Krystal, pam po, frances, jolene, limmy, kyna and me. =)
ALTOGETHER. =)
5:39 pm
soak up the son
Monday, March 13, 2006
TERM EXAMS ARE HERE!!!!haha. all the best to everyone out there.
just keep mugging mugging mugging. =)
say anything,
but say what u mean,
cos i'm caught in suspension.
and i'm hating every moment of it.
12:07 am
soak up the son
Monday, March 06, 2006
i just realised how unfit i am... yes yes, unhealthy and unfit esther. we did swim PE today and me being the thick skinned person i am, self proclaimed myself to be capable of swimming and so joined debbie and pam and ethel in the ADVANCE swimming group only to prove that i really suck. yours truely was gasping for air half the time due to the tired and feeble limbs of mine. i don't dare jump off the side of the swimming pool for fear i would just hit the bottom and die of a cracked head, and most importantly, i cannot tread water for more than 15 minutes... which is plain pathetic considering i used to be a good swimmer as a kid.
so anyway, i had to employ the help of the floaty looking thing when playing water polo... and the best thing is, my feeble arms can hardly even throw, aim, shoot, pass, whatever action which requires more arm strength than maybe carrying a handbag. and thus, was a really bad player in the team... i'm so sorry pam... hahahahahaha... AND... the worst part is, i think i almost drowned ethel while attempting to carry out some form of life saving chin-tow on her... how ironic. hahahaha. it wasn't totally my fault also... her hair is rather long and she left it in its flowy pony tail state so it kept tickling my legs while i was trying to save her, making me laugh like mad even while trying to get her back on shore. thus, i kept abandoning life saving at lane 2 rather than at lane 1 and both of us had to swim back to the side again... i think my swim pe teacher probably thinks i'm not good enough to be in his class but is just being very nice. hahahahahaa...
had sectionals after that... it was good. =)
i'm just quite sad that i can't do O2... all i can do is sit in class and enviously watch as the OGLs and OGAs (yeap... the lil J1s have become orientation group assistants... so proud of them. =) ) bring the new kids around. heard from gerrard that we have 7 new kids!!! how nice. i must go pay them a visit tomorrow after dental appointment or something. haha. i miss being an OGL... i miss my OG... i miss being with the other OGLs... i miss the mass dance(s)... i miss the dirty games... i miss the water bombs and starch buckets... i miss the stupid forfeits... i miss........ .........
oh well, my week started off quite nicely. met up with honyi on sunday. we were supposed to go and check out the UK education at Commrade Hotel. unfortunately, it bore the both of us to tears and so we went to the Career Fair at Expo thinking it would be much better. to our dismay, it turned out equally, if not, more disappointing. yeap. the most important part was, all the universities that we considered going to were not represented at Commrade Hotel or the Career Fair, namely: Oxford, Cambridge, Princeton, Stamford, Imperial College, King's College, etc etc... even NUS Arts and Law Faculty wasn't there. there was only NUS Business School.
Rah.
oh well... whatever it is, study study study.
it just dawned on me that our first paper is on friday. yes, THIS FRIDAY. that friday which a few weeks ago thought it would be a long time before it would come IS HERE. sigh... so stressed. everyone is falling sick. this is quite terrible.
8:24 pm
soak up the son
Saturday, March 04, 2006
PASSIONtoday the person whom i respect the most and never fails to inspire me talked about passion. and no, i'm not talking about the lovey-dovey sort of passion... it was
PASSION for every single thing that we do in our daily lives.
what is passion? what can it do to an individual?
she said something that i will never forget for the rest of my life -
"Passion makes you crazy, but what other way is there to live?"there are a few things which i strive to live by: passion, integrity and excellence. perhaps 3 of the hardest values and ideals to live by... but yet, not impossible.
to quote one of my dearest F5 friends, elaine heng, who lives also by these 3 ideals -
"technical perfection is insufficent, it is an orphan without the true soul of a dancer (chorester)." that's just so true. being a chorester, i have realised that without passion there will be no meaning to the notes that i sing... i mean, a piano can produce notes, a violin can produce notes and so i can just be another instrument singing out notes that are on a score. what makes the difference? the
SOUL... the very thing that only human being possess and no others. and guess what? that is what passion is all about. passion requires not just your mind, but your
HEART and
SOUL as well. the spirit behind the actions, the attitude and purpose of doing something is so important and really makes the difference. that's where the
MAGIC can really be made through music.
passion, integrity, excellence - perhaps extremely difficult to carry out, but are u willing to take the challenge?
i am.
11:42 pm
soak up the son
Friday, March 03, 2006
i had a totally crapped up day... i'm feeling all emo and moody... rah.
Jesus, catch me...it feels like i'm falling from a thousand levels and there's no end.i don't know what to think, what to do, what to say. so Jesus take the wheel.
7:13 pm
soak up the son
Thursday, March 02, 2006
have u ever wondered what is
love?
yes, that four lettered word that emcompasses a meaning so deep and so profound that the true depth of those 4 mere letters is beyond human comprehension.
is love the feeling we get on Valentines Day? is the love the word we sometimes loosely use with our close friends and that special someone? do you really mean it when u say those 3 words 'i love you'?
yet, love is not so easy... to love... to truely love is being unconditional. and because God insists on himself being love, it is all the more difficult to truely say 'i love you' because if God embodies the whole and true and ultimate meaning of perfect love then we being the imperfect human would certainly have to struggle hard to attain the goal at which we have set for ourselves: perfect and Godly love.
if u are wondering why i have this sudden random entree on love and its meaning, well, let's just say that perhaps cupid has been shooting way too many arrows at people whom i know and are close to over the past few months. and seriously, i'm starting to wonder what to love someone really means... and believe me, i've only understood perhaps the tip of the ice berg?
i'm not saying that they shouldn't be in love or get together or anything... i'm not exactly in any position to judge their relationship or whether they should be together or not... its just slightly worrysome... its scary sometimes how close friends of yours just suddenly all decide to get together. of course, i do wish them all the best and hope that their relationships will work out.
as for me, i want to get back the FIRST LOVE. yes, the first love that i have for Him.
revelations 2:4 says clearly "Yet i hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." and no, i do not want to be held accountable on judgement day for forsaking that first love... yeap. even as the pressure mounts and homework piles up, stress levels increasing exponantially each day and uncertainty surrounds us about the plans and future, i really want Him to be the centre of my attention... i want Him to have all the attention that He can get from me at every waking moment of the day.
take me past the outer courts, to Your holy place,past the brazen alter,Lord i want to see Your face.pass me by the crowds of people,the priests who sing your praise,i hunger and thirst for your righteousness,and its only found in one place.take me in to the holy of holies. yes, and because i want to honour Him only, i'm gonna let
IT go.
i will wait.
11:12 pm
soak up the son
