Saturday, October 22, 2005
i realised that i find it very hard to be a Christian. its not as easy to
REALLY be a christian. i don't want to be called a christian... i want to be a christian. the difference is tremendously great. i've realised that my weakness is causing a lot of hurt. especially recently... no, more like this year... hurting the very people that i care for most. i become super emo and start to claw everything like a mad cat. and how is that acting in love?
NADA.
when things circumstances are against me, i become so selfish, only dwelling on my pain and not being sensitive enough to see that perhaps over on the other side, other people are hurting even more. and then i just go along, stabbing people like i'm carrying out some massacre. yes, emotional massacre. there is so much more i need to grow.
the Bible talks of
self control. truely, this is one area which i know i lack greatly in. self control in almost everything. i need to saddle my
TONGUE (that annoying everyday challenge), saddle my
EMOTIONS (each time things happen, i tend to move towards to emotional side instead of keeping my head on my shoulders. not saying that i have to become all cold and scary. just that, emotions take u on an unnecessary roller coaster ride), saddle my
THOUGHTS (this is possibly the hardest thing on earth to do...).
i know i cannot keep allowing myself to fault just because i give the simple reason of me being human. actually, that's a pathetic excuse. Jesus was human when he walked on this earth many many years ago. yet, he didn't go around cursing and swearing when things didn't go his way; he didn't go around hurting his close friends and disciples when he was sent to the cross but was so troubled internally that he started sweating blood while praying. in fact, he exercise the highest form of self control despite all sorts of emotional bombardments and external pressures. and if He can do it, why not me? esther ang?
there is so so much that is going on right now, practically everyone is at this breaking point of not knowing exactly what to do. promos are disgusting things... but everything is for His glory and not ours, is it not? God's timing is always perfect and He holds the master plan in His hands. though we may be suffering now, our suffering should reflect His greatness in our most trying times.
max lucardo talks about this in his book,
Its not about me, in the current chapter
'My struggles are about Him''Maybe God messed up. Cancer cells crept into your DNA when he wasn't looking. He was so occupied with the tornado in Kansas that he forgot the famine in Uganda. He tried to change the stubborn streak in your spouse but just couldn't get him to budge. Honestly. A bumbling Creator? An absent-minded Maker? What evidence does Scipture provide to support such a view? What evidence does creation offer? Can't the Maker of heaven and earth handle bad traffic and prevent bad marriages? Of course he can. Then why doesn't he?
Perhaps he is mad. Have we so exhausted the mercy of God's bank account that every prayer bounces like a bad cheque? Did humanity cross the line millennums ago, and now we're getting what we deserve? Such an agrument carries a dash of merit.
God does leave us to the consequences of our stupid decisions. Think Egyptian soldiers in Red Sea. Hebrews in Babylon, Peter weeping with the sound of a crowing rooster in his ears. Bang your head against the wall, and expect a headache.
God lets us endure the fruit of sin. But to label him peeved and impatient? To do so you need to scissor from your Bible some tender passages such as:
God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered, he's rich in love.
He doesn't endlessly nag and scold, nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is his love to those who fear him.
(Psalm 103:8)
Don't blame suffering in the world on the anger of God. He's not mad; he didn't mess up. Follow our troubles to their headwaters, and you won't find an angry or befuddled God. But you will find a sovereign God.
Your pain has a purpose. Your problems, struggles, heartaches, and hassles cooperate toward one end - the glory of God. "Trust me in your times of trouble, and i will rescue you, and you will give me glory" (Psalm 50:15)
Not an easy assignment to swallow. Not for you. Not for me. Not for the blind man on the side of the road.'
now isn't this totally true... but wait... there's more...
'Are people strengthened by your struggles? ... God will use whatever he wants to display his glory. Heavens and stars. History and nations. People and problems. ... A season of suffering is a small assignment when compared to the reward. Rather than begrudge your problem, explore it. Ponder it. And most of all, use it. Use it to the glory of God. '
what a difficult thing to live out. using your problems for God's glory.
putting God above self. Dying to self in fact. that its no longer u that live, but Christ that lives in u.
there is so much more growing that is needed for me.
8:26 pm
soak up the son
