Wednesday, November 09, 2005
PW is offically over!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!! *runs around madly* i victoriously threw away our visuals after the OP session this morning into the dumpster next to the notcie boards!!YEAH!! no more agony, no more sleepless nights, no more reading spastic reports over and over again, no more waking up at wee hours just to do presentation trials, no more mad rush for deadlines, no more... *ahem* (you know who), NO MORE PW!!!!!
LIBERATION!!!!!
yay. haha. ^-^
many things happened the past few days. let's see...
first, i got through the OGL interviews!!! and so did ethel, cheryl, jolene, and MANY MANY MANY of my wonderful classmates from AH red. you should really go and check out the list. its like... half our class got through the OGL interview!!! yay. so did bea. so happy. can't wait for next year!!! muahahahaha.
yesterday's choir performance was a rather emotional ride. i was scared personally, at the start. i didn't want it to fail. i mean, each time i sing with the choir, i never want the performance to be a flop. but i was scared. cos warm ups wasn't so good. i was having cold sweat in the bus. but my fears died when we did our sound check. we were all right. everything was going smoothly. yeap. thankfully, everything turned out well and we had fun singing all the nice songs and had an awesome time. i just love choir. the music, the people and the principles that hold us together - discipline, friendship, integrity, love, passion, commitment... wow. without choir, i think my JC life would have been so dull. choir has given my JC life a soul. yes, and tho at times we make sacrifices to go for choir, i think its worth it. yeah. each time we make great music together, i feel my heart soar and goosebumps and then i just can't stop smiling. just love u guys to bits. =)
everything has been kinda mad this week, and i foresee next week being worse by at least 10 times. many times, i feel as tho i cannot go on anymore. but then God just picks me up and carries me on His ever so strong and loving arms. each day is made new and refreshing because of Him. you know, i remember a period of time when i felt so unloved. it was a scary feeling, an empty feeling, an insecure feeling. and even tho i knew that people around me cared for me very much, i couldn't feel that love. i don't know if you've ever felt this way... unloved. it isn't something that suddenly comes to u. it develops slowly but surely and when it finally dawns on you the thought that you are 'unloved', you will break down. (sounds very emo and mad, but i dunno, maybe girls feel it more, again i'm generalising here.) yes, and me with an SI personality doesn't make it any better. but ya, unloved. that's what i felt.
but then God broke through my darkness and restored me back into the light. it was as tho i had my face turned down to the floor for the longest time ever, crying and crying, and then suddenly this loving hand comes and lifts my head up to look up at the light and wiped away my tears. and when i reflect upon that period of time, i can hear the Lord so clearly saying 'My Princess, i love u so so much, so keep your eyes on me and don't look anywhere else. seek my face, darhling. and even when u are in the shadows i know where you are and will carry you out from it.' wow.
it suddenly dawned on me that my feeling of being unloved was a really foolish feeling cos there was someone over here who loves me so deeply and is so jealous to get hold of my love. and that just filled up every single one of the insecurities and emptiness that i had within my heart.
truely, there is a God-shaped hole in each and every one of us that ONLY God can fill and nothing else. nothing, not money, not material blessings, not grades, not property, not even your best of best friends. NOTHING. and until God fills that hole, u will feel empty. if you think it feels like having no money in your wallet when you shop or when u have no shopping bags while walking along Orchard road, i assure u, its nothing like that feeling. even i, being born and bred in a Christian family and home where love (supposedly) abounds, have experienced it. emptiness. not a nice feeling at all. but guess what, God is the key to that unique lock in your heart. only He holds the key. but you must be willing to let Him come in. he ain't gonna force His way thru. haha. yes. i have a gentleman papa.
can u imagine? you are put up for adoption and the person who comes and adopts you is the KING OF THIS UNIVERSE? like... oh my goodness!!! and He loved you at the first sight of u and always will till eternity... wow. how amazing. and you had nothing to offer Him, yet He took you in not because of pity, but because of true LOVE.
wow... i'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside now... haha. ok. i think i shall go now.
2:15 pm
soak up the son
