Your love is warmer than the warmest sunshine

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

sometimes fear just grips you and refuses to let go simply cos you don't know what the future has to hold. the sick feeling of not being eligible for the course i have always dreamed of studying is sucking me into this bottomless black hole. my goal, my passion, my ambition, my future, my hopes, my dreams.. GONE. but i'm not going to give up on it. sometimes i feel as though my insides are eating me up, devouring the very last cell in my body. i sound depressed. maybe i am.

while the rest of the world (or most of my friends, at least) are celebrating their victories, i can only hide in the corner at my own loss. i don't know when i can ever peek my head out of that corner again to step into the light. the shadows seem like a safer place. i know that my teachers are very disappointed in me, my form teacher for one: i can so see her looking at me with those sympathetic eyes and tell me that i have so much potential, but i blew it. to the world, i have failed.

there's no one to point fingers at. many of my friends have said that God will open and close the right doors. yet, i know deep inside that i have closed those doors on myself. if only i could cry. you know that you've reached the epitomy of grief when your tear glands can't even excruciate anything no matter how sad you are. everything is on the inside. the crumbling inner world.

only You can hold my world up.

3:29 pm
soak up the son